'AITA for cancelling my daughter's bathroom remodel after her husband slammed the door on me?'
"AITA for cancelling my daughter's bathroom remodel after her husband slammed the door on me?"
My daughter (M) was pregnant and wanted her bathroom redone. I have 2 contractors who are very close friends of mine. I offered to remodel her bathroom 5 months ago but her husband declined.
Then a month before she was due, they asked if we could do it. I scheduled it with contractors, even though she was very close to her due date. (We told her she should wait). Regardless, she wanted to move forward.
We started on Saturday and Wednesday night she tells us she is being induced the next day. We work as fast as we can and get to the point where we are hooking the toilet back up and ready to set the tub. Then my contractor that does the plumbing gets sick. So with a newborn at home by Saturday, I don't want him in the house obviously.
So daughter and husband come home Saturday morning and I suppose the guys didn't sweep well enough so she loses her s$*t and starts crying about how the bathroom isn't done and the house is a wreck. Spoiler: They live in filth, it was always a wreck.
Anyways, I wait til Monday to reach out to her to see if we can come over to finish. She tells me they already have a guy coming to install the toilet and that she would like her car keys back. I drive over to drop off the keys, and her husband is waiting for me at the door. He grabs the keys and slams the door in my face.
Okay, so my daughter texts me later that day and says that she's going to have a contractor finish the rest because we lied to her about the timeline and I am holding this project over her head. I am furious now, so I calmly tell her that I will be back that day to pick up anything that hasn't been installed and they can finish as they see fit.
I figure, if her husband can slam a door in my face when I am trying to gift a 10-15k remodel to them, then I don't need to supply materials for this anymore and they can figure it out. He then texts me 'F#$% you you ruined my paternity time. I want nothing to do with you. You'll never see your granddaughters again.' (a longer string of insults but you get the picture.).
I calmly responded to him that it sucks to use your kids as a weapon on their grandparents, but he had to do what he had to do. Now his mom is calling us because they cannot afford the remodel AND he stays off from work like planned. My thought is why should I gift anything to a guy to who I've already given 10's of thousands of assistance when he talks to me like that? I feel like I'd be a chump.
Also, side note, we offered to have them stay with us while the bathroom was being completed. It would have been done 3 days later than expected. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
guineapickle writes:
NTA This sounds so full of chaos and drama. Your daughter and her husband clearly are the types who blame other people for their own bad decisions..it does suck that your grandchildren are being used to terrorize you into doing what they want, but if you capitulate to that sort of manipulation it's all downhill from there.
I wouldn't be surprised if your daughter ends up at your house with the kids and a suitcase one day really soon.
haterschaos writes:
NTA but keep in contact with your daughter please. She may need you as a support system if she ever leaves. This guy sounds ab%$ive and like he is extorting your daughter to ask you for more and more money. Cut them off financially to speed up this divorce.
excellentcare8 writes:
NTA though to be honest I think I would have refused to even start the remodel 1 month before the due date. I think that was your first mistake (doesn’t make you an a^%$ole) for the rest. Your SIL seems like a massive as%$#le.
It feels like there’s a lot being left out of this one sided telling of the story. As new parent of 2 children in the last 3 years it’s pretty stressful. Might be worth backing off a bit and trying to be supportive of your daughter.
poobuttmfer OP:
I see your point and I’m trying to give the whole story. I’m not proud of taking the materials back, however my SIL cannot be allowed to talk to me like that and act how he did. If he didn’t say anything and I only interacted with my daughter, I wouldn’t have reacted. Hurt, yes… but I would have let them keep everything. Using my grandkids as a weapon was the final straw.