'AITA for calling my sister an idiot and saying that she deserves to be divorced?'

"AITA for calling my sister an idiot and saying that she deserves to be divorced?"

[English is not my first language]. I (20M) moved in with my parents for the summer for my job so save money, since the hotel I work is a 40 min train ride from my home town. My sister (29F) has been living with them for the last 4-5 months, because her husband is divorcing her and she isn't allowed to be near their children (2x5M) for now.

My sister fell for an American scam called 'young living' that sells essential oils and in 8 months she spent around 12,500 euro, all their saving, on buying inventory that she was supposed to sell. She hid it in their apartments basement where they never usually go. BIL had to repair one of the kids bikes so he went there to get his tools and found the boxes.

BIL confronted my sister and to her credit she admitted to everything, including to secretly mixing the oils in their food. BIL threw her out and filed for divorce.

There was an emergency hearing, because he wasn't allowing her to be alone with the kids, in which the judge decided that my sister is a danger to the kids (BIL showed record of the insane claims the company makes about their products) and she will only be allowed visitation when she sees a psychiatrist.

She has refused to go and is fighting the order. BIL still allows us to see the kid and I even babysat them a couple of times when I didn't have exams and was still in the capital. My sister and BIL both work as engineers and are well paid, the kids are in kindergarden, my sister mostly morks from home.

Since I moved here last month, the only things she does is scream, cry or complain, but she doesn't listen to advise, she has changed 3 lawyer. I finished my nightshift at the hotel bar/club and was home by 7 a.m.

My parent had already gone to work and my sister was in the living room drinking coffee. As soon as she saw me she started complaining how unfair her life is. I just wanted to eat breakfast and go to bed and she wouldn't even let me go to the kitchen.

After the 4th minute I couldn't take it and shouted the title at her (the worse than a kid comment is because after googling the anme of the company I found problem with it in minutes) and that she is luck BIL didn't make facebook posts or contact her job(she works with classified information) to get her fired.

She started crying and locked herself in her room. She is still crying and she throwing her stuffed animals(the only thing that is left in her room) at the wall to my room. Also she is late for work since her laptop and phone(it hasn't stopped ringing for 30 minutes) are on the living room table.

FYI The kids are fine. Their only symptom was diarrhea and minor stomachache. BIL had them take a lot of test, there was no damage to their livers and the only concern was with their stomachs, they had some sort of wart-like things in it.( I don’t know what it was exactly and I’m not planning to ask BIL for details.) But it cleared up with time and medication, without the need to operate them.

My sister was never like this before, although she is really competitive. She was first in high school and has won math and physics competitions. She was accepted in the best technical university of our country.

When she was 3rd during her university graduation she threw some tantrums, but we thought that it was because she was getting married and worrying for what master’s degree to apply for.

She used 17 kinds of oils in her and BIL’s cooking, because she thought that they were harmless, but more than half of them weren’t safe for human consumption according to Young Livings labels.(her defense was that the labels were just for show and they were actually safe) AITA for taking my BIL's side?

Here's what people had to day to OP:

tapeandhope writes:

Nta. She needs a huge reality check. Now many commenters will say you are ta for shouting but I'm working on the assumption that you've tried talking to her about it and got nonsensical dream world answers back mixed with a healthy dose of im the victim.

It is ok to be frustrated with this behaviour. I would apologise for losing your sh*t but follow up with as calm a conversation about this as you can both manage. Watching a loved one self destruct is hard.

babycowGT writes:

Many MLMs focus on 'health' and 'wellness'. Usually they prey on a mixture of 'get rich quick' fantasy and general desperation for a solution to a genuine health issue. A lot of time, especially in the US at least... Those two overlap, as dealing with a chronic and/or poorly understood disease is expensive.

variouscard98 writes:

NTA - I was thinking YTA at her husband for keeping the kids from her but when I read she was putting essential oils in food I changed my mind. I use alternative medicine for myself and my family (as well as mainstream medicine) but ingesting essential oils is completely dangerous so I can see why her husband is denying her access to the kids.

Later OP came back with these edits:

EDIT: Thanks for the all the advise. My parents came home finally and are currently fighting with my sister after I told them what has been going on. Dad gave me the car keys so I can sleep in it since I won't be able to sleep in the house for some time and I have a morning shift tomorrow.

Edit 2: Thanks for all the comments. To answer some:

1. The kids are fine. Their only symptom was diarrhea and minor stomachache. BIL had them take a lot of test, there was no damage to their livers and the only concern was with their stomachs, they had some sort of wart-like things in it.( I don’t know what it was exactly and I’m not planning to ask BIL for details.) But it cleared up with time and medication, without the need to operate them.

2. My sister was never like this before, although she is really competitive. She was first in high school and has won math and physics competitions. She was accepted in the best technical university of our country. When she was 3rd during her university graduation she threw some tantrums, but we thought that it was because she was getting married and worrying for what master’s degree to apply for.

3. My sister isn’t religious and I don’t know why she joined the MLM. The only thing that she has told us is that she thought that she could make a lot of money fast, and that she had people that would have bought all her inventory in a couple of months.

4. She has an amazing salary 3000 euro a month (for our country that means 6000 in our currency). 2020/21 was great for her, she was promoted because many people were let go for allowing hacker attacks and she has to work only 6 hours a day from home.

5. She used 17 kinds of oils in her and BIL’s cooking, because she thought that they were harmless, but more than half of them weren’t safe for human consumption according to Young Livings labels.(her defense was that the labels were just for show and they were actually safe).

She would have gotten visitation, but when the psychiatrist was recommended my sister got mad and apparently said something like ”this is what happens when a country allows illiterate people to become lawyers ”(technically true) and you see the outcome.

6. I shouldn’t have stayed home after she started throwing stuff at her wall, I could have gone to our neighbor and slept there, she is a nice lady and has been like family for year, but honestly I wasn’t thinking straight.

7. I slept in the car because there was a lot of screaming and I had to rest. Also I could never spend half my paycheck, to sleep for a night, in the hotel I work at.

8. We have tried talking to her calmly, but it does not work.

After my nap in the car I talked with dad, he was waiting for me. I will apologize to my sister tomorrow after I finish with work, because I shouldn’t have shouted at her. During the weekend we will repair the lock to my door (it’s been broken for years, but I never had a reason to use it).

From tomorrow my sister will be working from dad’s office, he is a notary, so he can keep an eye on her. She wasn’t too happy but dad got mad and told her that she isn’t too old to receive her first spanking at 29. I barely stopped myself from laughing.

As for her work, mom is calling her GP to write a note she sprained her ankle and that she was in the hospital, so all my sister has to do apologize to her boss for not contacting him. She was also warned that if she behaves like this again, she will be living with our aunt.

Mom apparently told my sister that she was disappointed with her and that she failed as a mother if her kid acts like this when she’s 29. Sister was crushed, because she respects mom a lot, she stopped going to school at 14 to start working in a factory to support the family and now she is a department head in a clothing factory. But she still refuses to see a psychiatrist.