'AITA for sending the kids to bed hungry?' UPDATED
"AITA for sending the kids to bed hungry?"
I'm a full time working mom with two kids, 5 and (almost) 2. Both have their personal food preferences, which are usually at odds with each other. 5 loves veggies and fruit, refuses to eat potatoes unless they are French fries, and is iffy on most meats.
2 loves pasta and meats, and turns his nose up at anything that grew from the earth. Needless to say, coming home from work and preparing dinner for an hour only to have refused is... exhausting.
Last night, I cooked off-book, just kind of threw things together. A casserole of chicken thighs, mushrooms, peas, gravy, and stuffing. A little downhome, basic kind of meal, but it had a little of what each kid liked, and it was healthy enough.
Neither kid ate it. 5 took a few bites, declared that he hates chicken, and shivered like someone had just walked over his grave. 2 refused to eat it. I told them both that they would have to stay at the table until bathtime.
They.. they did it. Neither kid ate. 5 didn't complain too too much, but 2 screamed right up until bathtime. 2 has opted out of dinner one other time, and was able to verbalize that he was hungry, but didn't want to eat what I had prepared. 2 and I talked (to the best of his ability) about how this was his only option for dinner, and he continued to refuse to eat.
My spouse says that dinner was good, and was impressed with my improv cooking. I'm confident that the dish was decent, albeit not coated in sugar like my kids would prefer. When I was putting 5 to bed, I could actually hear his tummy grumble. I felt like an absolutely horrible parent, sending him to bed hungry. AITA?
Let's find out.
fizzbangwhiz writes:
Sorry, but YTA. You're setting up your kids to have an unhealthy relationship with food for a long, long time. 'Sit at the table until bedtime' is a bad strategy. Plus, two is WAY too young to understand such a punishment. 5 is too, for that matter. Some days you just have to make PB&J for dinner. Or grilled cheese, or cinnamon toast, or whatever will get eaten without a fight.
generousplate8 writes:
NAH.Have you had them assessed for sensory processing disorders, ASD and ADHD? The behaviour you describe sounds very much like one or more of these. If that’s the case, then your kids are not just picky eaters, their nervous systems just aren’t coping well with the sensory input they are getting from food.
You’ll need support from an occupational therapist, a paediatrician and maybe a psychologist… it depends on the severity and nature of the underlying condition/s.
I knew how to make a sandwich from the age of 4 because that was always the rule in my house growing up; I had to try at least a few bites of dinner but if I did, and genuinely did not like it, then I was welcome to go into the kitchen and make a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal and then rejoin the dinner table.
Neuro divergent kids will starve themselves
OP came back with an update after reading the comments:
This exploded, I had no idea it was such a divisive moment! Thanks to everyone who provided their reasoning for their take, it has prompted a lot of thought and introspection. Spouse and I discussed it, and it was definitely a bad move on my part.
My best judgement flew out the window when the kids refused to eat. For clarification, the kids were sitting at the table with me until I finished eating, and then we sat for another 5 minutes until it was bathtime.
So they sat for maybe 20 minutes all told. 5 and 2 are so similar, and we try to treat them equally, so it can be easy to forget that what is appropriate for 5 is not appropriate for 2.
Spouse and I went over the "protocol" in case this ever happens again (spoilers: it almost certainly will), and even included some of the suggestions that were posted in the comments. Again, thanks to everyone who shared their own stories (the positive and the negative!) and who gave their reasons for their opinions!