Mom feels guilty when she can't accommodate autistic daughter's new 'trigger.'
When this mom feels torn over her two children, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not allowing my autistic daughter to have this boundary?'
I feel terrible about this and don't know what to do. I think I'm probably an A, but I'm not sure how to not be an A in this situation. My son, 17, loves the color blue. It is his favorite color by a mile. His favorite TV show is strongly associated with blue, and his favorite superhero wears blue. I know those are silly things, but he loves sci-fi and comics, so those things are important to him.
My daughter, 13, is autistic. She finds the color blue incredibly upsetting because it is associated with a hate organization that advocates for harming autistic people. Seeing the color is painful for her. My son's room is painted blue, and many of his outfits are blue. My daughter wants him to not wear blue clothing anywhere she can see. He refuses.
I talked to my son, and he said he feels he should be allowed to wear his favorite Tshirt in his own home. I think he is right, although it hurts me to see my daughter upset. I think talking to her therapist about her aversion will help her more than banning the color, which realistically she will see in many contexts. Am I being unfair to her? Am I a bad mom?
Let's find out.
virtualdraw6 writes:
NTA. Agreed. OP's proposed solution of talking to her therapist about the aversion is much more sensible.
pawneesunfish writes:
NTA. I’m an autistic adult, diagnosed as an adult, so I don’t know what your daughter’s experience is like being diagnosed as a kid. But- blue is everywhere. It’s not solely associated with AS, and she can’t control her environment to have no blue in it. This is something she needs to work on in therapy.
odyssey8 writes:
NTA. When thinking about what accommodations to make for someone with autism, I think about what is possible to live like. It is possible to avoid large crowds, it's possible to avoid loud music, it's not possible to avoid seeing the color blue. Since this is something that cannot be reasonable avoided for life, I think it does require therapy to overcome.
For the record I don't think therapy is needed to overcome being in crowds, loud sounds, and other autistic traits, purely because these can be reasonably avoided. I suggest trying to explain this difference to her. Trying to overcome her aversion of the color blue doesn't mean you're trying to cure her autism or anything like that.