Mom wonders if she should lie about how she's paying for her kid's college. AITA?
When this woman feels weird about her mysterious college money, she asks Reddit:
'WIBTA for revealing where my kids college money came from?'
Hello. I am a single mother (43) of two kids 18f and 14m. Their fathers are not in the picture. Recently I was contacted by my exBIL (40?). He told me that when he was married to my sister (38) he had started college funds for my kids.
They separated, but he still wanted to give the money for my children. It's not full ride amount, but it will mean my daughter won't have to work during college unless she wants spending money, and it's more that me or my parents can give her.
Obviously I was overjoyed at this... but i asked him not to tell anyone because my sister has grown quite bitter about their divorce. I'm not really sure what went down, but afaik they had separate finances, so I don't think it would be due to money reasons. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say.
bluemoon8 writes:
NTA for considering it. However, there is nothing to be gained from telling them the source of the funds. Your family will switch from accusing you of sleeping with your boss to sleeping with your ex-BIL, which will be an even more unpleasant situation.
Sounds like some distance from your sister and brother are in order until they stop their behavior. And tell them why you are now low/no contact if they ask.
When I told my family we had received a donation to my daughters college fund everyone was overjoyed.. but also really suspicious, because there are times in the last few years that money would have really helped.
Someone in my family started the 'joke' that I got this from my boss for 'favours'. It's not true, but my sister and brother won't let it go. 'Let's get takeout tonight, hey, X, go sleep with your boss and get it'. I'm not doing a good job of explaining it but its really quite hurtful to have my family saying these things, even as jokes.
I'm considering telling them BIL is the one behind it. It will stop them insisting on knowing the source, but it might hurt my sister to know he helped us. I can't really ask people for advice without it leaking out. I have only told 1 girl from work and she suggested here for some anonymous opinions.
1preschoolteach offers this solution:
NTA. I would just say that she was the recipient of a private scholarship because that is essentially what your former BIL is doing. A coworker's daughter received one.
A family connected to their high school lost their daughter, so they select a senior girl each year and give her a lump sum scholarship towards college. It wasn't even something my friend's daughter applied for, but a welcomed surprise.
freerustproofing writes:
ESH You shouldn’t have said anything so you created this problem for yourself. Now that you are getting crap for it, you want to cause more drama by revealing the source.
Don;t do that. This will just cause more problems with you and your family and for the BIL who is trying to help you out. If they like to belittle you then this will just give them more ammo. Next it will be that you were/are sleeping with him.
Tell your family over and over again that you don’t appreciate them calling you a prostitute and find a way to shut that down that doesn’t give them more ways to hurt you.