Party host can't tell if guest is introverted or racist. Says 'she's not welcome back.'
When this party host feels confused about a strange guest at her party, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for not respecting introverted behavior at parties?'
I like to throw dinner parties at my house, usually for ~15-20 guests @ a time. I cook up a storm and like to keep things fun--play some guitar, etc... I am a person of color, so I make A LOT of food for my guests-who are mostly bipoc in their 20's-40's. Anywho, I invited some new mutual friends, who are anglo/european (m/40s) and his partner (f/30s).
Let's call them Jack and Jill. They were new acquaintances so I was looking forward to getting to know them better. As soon as they arrived, Jack mingled and talked to the guests and my partner (m/40's/Anglo/Euro). Jill greeted me and--without talking to anyone else--sat down on the couch and took out a paperback book from her bag and started reading while the smallish crowd stood around her, chatting.
She did not stop reading until ~ 30 mins later when our mutual friends showed up (f/30's/Anglo/Euro). With whom she sat next to and spoke with exclusively. My friends are all great and very welcoming of new people, but Jill was not having any of it.
I was a little miffed, but whatever. I didn't poll all my friends but after the party one of my bipoc friends (f/20's) who didn't get to talk to her at all, said she respected Jill's confidence in her own introversion and that not all people are social. I get that people want their downtime, but Jill literally did not meet or talk to anyone else at the gathering--and it kinda looked racist, since she only talked to anglo/euro guests.
I've since run into Jack & Jill at other events/gatherings and she never engages me in conversation beyond saying 'hello.' She has even made weird excuses like, 'we have laundry to do' to get away from us (at a public event). My husband likes Jack, but I'm reluctant to invite her over again. I mean, she hasn't invited us to anything and I am told by our mutual friend, that she regularly 'rubs people the wrong way'--including other anglo/euro friends.
So I mean, she's probably not racist, but she's still not fun to be around and I really don't know how to interact with her. I mean, I try my best to be understanding with introverts, like if they don't want to hang out, I'm not offended, but what the heck do I do when they do come out and just send out 'don't come near me' vibes? Btw, my partner and Jack hang out on their own, which is great, but would it be terrible to say, Jack can come over anytime but not his pill of a partner, Jill. AITA?
Let's find out.
moonbeam8 writes:
NTA. You don't have to invite anyone into your home who you aren't comfortable around. Sounds like you're pretty clearly uncomfortable around her. She's not necessarily racist. It could just be she has a great deal of difficulty connecting with people she doesn't already know.
But it honestly doesn't matter if she's racist or not. Her behavior when inside your home makes you uncomfortable. You're not bothered by her skin tone, ancestry, or sexual orientation. You're bothered by her behavior. That's a valid reason to not invite someone over IMO.
florapost writes:
NTA. You don't have to invite anyone into your home who you aren't comfortable around. Sounds like you're pretty clearly uncomfortable around her. She's not necessarily racist. It could just be she has a great deal of difficulty connecting with people she doesn't already know.
But it honestly doesn't matter if she's racist or not. Her behavior when inside your home makes you uncomfortable. You're not bothered by her skin tone, ancestry, or se*ual orientation. You're bothered by her behavior. That's a valid reason to not invite someone over IMO.
adawg8 writes:
Uh what? Jill was just rude and unfriendly, not acting introverted. I’m very introverted, and if I choose to go to a gathering, I am social and engage with others. If I’m too tapped out or just don’t feel like it, I politely decline. NTA.