Woman tells classmate that her 'baby voice' is weird and gets called a 'misogynist.'
When this woman is irritated by her friend's voice, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my classmate her “baby voice” is extremely annoying?'
I (21F) am in a male-dominated major and often have less the a handful of women in my classes. I was really happy to be able to have another woman in my lab group, (20sF) Katie. She sits across from me. When Katie and I are talking she speaks in her normal tone.
But as soon as our other classmates come around she puts on this extremely annoying, sing-song baby voice. It honestly triggers my flight or fight it’s that bad. Nails on chalkboard level. I see most of my classmates similarly cringe when speaking to her, but I don’t think she notices.
I personally have a deeper voice for a woman so I can sympathize if it’s an insecurity of hers. (However I never used baby voice). It made me sad to hear a lot of people in our major actively avoided working with her because of it. She’s really funny and intelligent. Plus it’s a really fixable issue.
We’ve been hanging out regularly and studying together for almost 4 months so I told her privately after hanging out at my place. “Katie, I like you a lot. However, I notice you use a baby voice and it’s really annoying. I’ve heard others say they avoid working with you for that reason. I’m just letting you know because I’d want someone to tell me ”.
I could tell she was hurt but thanked me for telling her. I tried to soften the blow and add some compliments (all genuine!) like the sandwich method? However Katie has been giving me the cold shoulder since and has cancelled our weekly study date. I had a few mutual friends me that Katie called me a “b&&ch” and I have a lot of “internalized misogyny” to unpack :(
I brushed it off but am wondering if I did the wrong thing here. My friends agreed Katie’s baby voice is really cringe and embarrassing but harmless, and I should’ve kept quiet.
I am unsure. I’d 100% want someone to tell me if my communication skills were putting people off since that can affect job prospects and networking… AITAH? :(
Let' see what Reddit had to say on this one.
MNConcerto writes:
NTA. Her baby voice is only going to take her so far in her professional life. Better to hear it now than have it become even more ingrained as a habit. None of the female directors, VPs, or CEOs I've met or work with have used a baby voice. Clear, concise, moderate tone wins the day in a leadership role and career if you want to be taken seriously.
Sure she may get some attention but not the type she will always want. No this isn't internalized misogyny I think it's the opposite, misogyny wants women to be soft spoken, childlike and quiet, not strong and well spoken.
I can't tell how many times I was told to quiet down, not laugh so loud, watch my tone, wait my turn etc as a young teen and woman. All in an effort to make me fade into the background, the ultimate form of misogyny.
This old gen xer here is telling you to stand up take a deep breath and speak from your fucking diaphragm. Stop with the baby talk, vocal fry, Kardashian speech patterns it does you a great disservice. (Yeah I know it's going to get you all mad at me.)
doubleranbow writes:
NTA. I don't know. If I had an odd habit that made people want to avoid me, I'd certainly want to know about it, and it sounds like you were honest but not cruel. And the fact that she acted appreciative of what you told her, then turned around and called you a bitch makes me think her internalized misogyny comment was possibly a bit of a projection.
intelligentblock8 writes:
YTA. As someone that’s self conscious of my own voice, I can tell you that my voice changes all the time based on who I’m talking to and sometimes I’m not even aware of. It’s a defense mechanism.
It’s possible her voice with you is also different than her real voice. It may be something she is highly self conscious of and you just pointed out that you’re AWARE of her insecurity. I don’t think you’re an asshole necessarily but I understand her reaction. I understand her reacting negatively, not her accusation of misogyny.