Woman is shocked when host 'surprise' venmo requests $40 from each dinner guest.
When this dinner guest can't believe what the host does, they ask Reddit:
'WIBTA For Not Paying For A Home Cooked Meal?'
We were invited to dinner at my BF's friends house. I brought wine, but now he still wants $40 each via venmo. Where I come from, it would be incredibly rude to ask for money when you invite someone over even if they didn't bring anything, so WIBTA if I didn't pay?
My BF's friend invited us over for dinner. I was only told we would be having BBQ and so I brought a $30 bottle of wine that would pair well with it because I know the guy is something of a wine snob. (Not that it's really relevant but at a previous party he hosted I brought two other bottles of wine costing about $120 total).
He made pork butt on the smoker with homemade fries and baked beans, which were very good and I appreciate the effort of going the extra mile of doing it from scratch. We shared the bottle that I brought and one of his that I believe runs about $40.
He did also buy individual chocolate tortes at a nearby pastry shop, and to be fair I don't know how much it cost. We had a pleasant dinner, good discussion, I was complimentary of his cooking and his home, etc. It's now days later and he wants $40 per person.
I don't know how much he spent on the dinner, but my best guess between the food and wine would be $70-$90 total on his part. So partly I'm angry that the price seems incredibly high though again I'm not saying the guy is a bad cook. Partly I'm angry because I did the polite thing and brought a decent bottle of wine that comes close to what he's asking for anyway.
Partly I'm angry that he didn't set the expectation before we came over. Partly I'm angry that he doesn't seem to appreciate how considerate I've been in the past by catering to his taste for fine wine. Partly I'm angry because the guy is much wealthier than I am in any case and isn't in hard times/in want of cash.
But really the biggest thing is just that, when I invite people over for dinner it simply wouldn't even occur to me to ask the invitees to pay. Like if it were a huge gathering that I was hosting or maybe if I had gone out of my way to make a really expensive dinner then maybe I could understand wanting a contribution from others, but I'd express that in the planning.
Like hey, I'm hosting a big cookout, bring a specific side dish; or I'm thinking of getting Maine lobsters, do you want to throw in a few bucks for the order? Asking after the fact just seems like an incredible betrayal of hospitality to me. And now I don't even know if I'd invite him over to my place because I would feel gross asking for his money, but I'd feel taken advantage of if I treated him the way I'd treat literally anyone else. AITA?
Let's find out.
aethera writes:
NTA. You don’t ask people after the fact to pay for a dinner you’re hosting, full stop. All of your suggested scenarios are fine – bringing something to be polite, asking people to bring aside, asking in advance to chip in for an expensive meal. It’s the after the fact that makes him an asshole.
blackcherrycat writes:
My super wealthy aunt does this when she hosts family gatherings at her 4th home. I can't fathom it. NTA & you should let him know that it's a great way to ruin relationships.
rayshiels writes:
NTA Oh wow! Exact same thing happened to me years ago. BFs - now husbands - close friends did this. I felt the exact same. My approach was to pay it and say nothing to them, but let my BF know exactly how rude it was. I never invited them to dinner, and was never available to go to dinner at theirs again. Friendship faded enough for it not to matter. They are good and nice people too, but the girls of the group were very cliquey... Not my vibe.