Woman freaks when boyfriend's ex is his sister's MOH. Family taking sides.
When this woman is concerned about the dynamics at an upcoming wedding, she asks Reddit:
'WIBTA: Boyfriend’s ex is his sisters MOH?'
I(25F) have been dating my current partner(26M) for a little over a year and a half. Their last girlfriend before me was a six month relationship with his sisters best friend during the height of covid. Things ended amicably and the best friend is the maid of honor at my boyfriends sister’s wedding next year.
I have met her one time briefly after the sisters engagement, in which she approached me, shook my hand, and introduced herself. I’ve only heard good things about her and I’m sure she’s a great person, but I’m just not interested in having any type of relationship with her. I’m not in the wedding party, so our interactions are limited and I’m not going to let it interfere with the wedding.
Where things get complicated is where my boyfriends mom comes into play. His mom constantly makes comments about how she’s “more worried about (my) feelings than (the ex)” and it seems like she’s insinuating that I’m going to have a meltdown and am jealous of the ex. She’s even gone as far as to say that the ex couldn’t care less about my boyfriend.
I understand that she means well so I’ve been trying to remain open minded since this is only temporary. However, this weekend she got super drunk around me and went on a rant about how there’s no reason that the ex girlfriend and I can’t both be a part of the family. I understand that she doesn’t get it, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to bite my tongue when it feels like she’s degrading me because she is uncomfortable. My boyfriend was NOT there when this occurred this past weekend.
My boyfriend is very supportive of my position and has done everything he can do to help his mom understand that she makes things worse when she says these things. But I can also tell that he feels terrible that we’re in this situation because of a fling. He’s being doing things to help figure out how to navigate the situation such as talking to sister and mom.
I’m not trying to be difficult, I just feel like it’s not unreasonable that I don’t want to extend a relationship with her outside of the wedding, but I’m afraid that if she doesn’t back off in the comments that it will be harder for me to keep snapping at her. WIBTA to ask my boyfriend to get involved in setting boundaries about this again, despite that he’s already had one conversation with her?
Let's find out what Redditors thought.
fewschool3869 writes:
NTA to talk to your bf about it again. It seems both you and the ex are being mature, it's not a big deal, you don't have to interact with her at the wedding or ever again, and the mom is being completely unhinged.
teardropmaker writes:
Your boyfriend's mom is reading things into your emotions that don't exist. I would not give her any energy, just chuckle and wink at your boyfriend when his mom gets all worried about your supposed insecurities about the ex.
Show her by your actions that it is a nothing burger, you could care less and have no 1. actual insecurities or 2. desire for a relationship with your boyfriend's ex, other than 'hey, how ya doin'?' when you cross paths. Only if his mom persists in kicking this dead horse does your boyfriend need to get involved, and if it does go that far, you will not be TA.
raqmountain writes:
NTA - you don't have to be friends with your boyfriend's ex, no matter how she is still connected to the family. BF needs to tell his mom that while you already are 'friendly' towards the ex, if Mom continues to pressure you to be 'friends' it will only cause trouble, resentment & undoubtedly will backfire.
If you are going to ever be 'friends' it will have to happen naturally, with no interference by Mom whatsoever. (& I'd add that Mom probably does not like being told who she has to be friends with, either.)