Man nervous about first date since his wheelchair; sparks fly. + Update
"I’m going on a date with a guy in a wheelchair, please help"
Expensive_Key_3719Posted
I'm 20M and a couple of weeks ago I was on Grindr and I got a message from a guy (22M), I looked at his profile and saw that he was a wheelchair user. I didn't ask him about it straight away but we talked for most of that night about anything really, like music, our favourite sports and things. I felt comfortable with him straight away and it was never awkward.
He then mentioned he was a wheelchair user in case I didn't read his bio (he has that problem a lot) and he explained that he was in an accident when he was 16 and he struggles to walk without holding onto something so he uses his wheelchair mostly but he can use a walking frame too but he struggles to use one of his hands which makes it difficult.
He said he understood if I didnt want to talk to him after but I did. We have talked everyday since and I asked him out on a date for Saturday. We're going to get lunch then just hang out for the rest of the day as neither of us have any plans.
I'm really nervous and I don't want to offend/make him uncomfortable in any way. He's really good looking and seems like a nice guy, other guys haven't given him a chance before and I want to be the one to change that.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
Possible_Lime8430
Honesty is sexy in this case and I’m sure he will appreciate it. Let him know it’s your first time going on a date with someone in a wheelchair and you’re so excited to meet him in person. You want to make sure he has a great time and to let you know if there is a certain location he prefers for the date. After that, just let the conversation flow.
TheDarkestCrown
Wheelchair user here. Just be honest and communicate. It’s a lot better from our POV than when people shy away from it and don’t take the time to understand what works and doesn’t work.
Ask him what places are accessible for him. I’ve seen/heard of places that claim to be accessible but then their bathroom is up or down a flight of stairs, which makes it inaccessible. If you have any questions feel free to ask.
griffied
Wheelchair user here - keep in mind that he's just as nervous for this first date as you are. I'd recommend letting him lead in terms of asking for help, and don't make assumptions about what he can/cannot do on his own.
Since you're getting lunch and he doesn't have full hand function, don't be surprised if he asks for help with handling the menu, utensils, water glass, etc. A simple "let me know if I can help with anything" opens up the topic for him to ask and shows him that you care.
Something easy you can do that's really thoughtful is arriving early to the restaurant, informing the staff you're meeting someone in a wheelchair, and requesting that they remove the chair from the table so he can roll right up. Holding doors open is always nice too. Have fun!
sisters0fmercy
I think you'll do great if you keep your mind open like that. Hope you guys have a great time!
AlwaysSunnyDragRace
Wheelchair user here. If he needs help with something, he’ll let you know. Touching the wheelchair un-asked it’s a no-no. If you have any question, just ask him and also don’t treat him like a child.
The OP responded here:
Expensive_Key_3719
I was thinking of telling him to just ask if he needs help with something but then I won’t push it. I definitely won’t touch his wheelchair without his permission because there’s no need for me to, just like I wouldn’t touch him without permission/consent.
MxBx89
I have a friend who is in a wheelchair who is very independent, confident, and full of life. He probably has fully adjusted to his life circumstances already so you will be the one overthinking everything. Just take it easy and enjoy the moment by getting to know each other and all will be fine.
If there’s one thing I encounter frequently it would be general public’s ignorance (lack of awareness) about their surroundings. Expect to yell out a lot of “excuse me’s” on busy streets.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
"I’m going out a date with a wheelchair user, please help [Update]"
Expensive_Key_3719Posted
Many of you were asking for an update so here it is, read my previous post for context. We went on the date today and it went great. I arrived first and I waited outside as we’d planned and then not long after he arrived and he's even more handsome than the photos.
I held the door open for him and told him to ask if he needs any help but I didn't force it. We ordered food and talked about everything, it didn't feel awkward at all. He's a nice and funny guy.
After we finished our food we went for a walk and he asked if I was having a good time, I said I was and he seemed so happy and told me he was too. It was his first date he'd ever been on and he told me that he was nervous in case I ghosted him because most guys have done that after agreeing to meet him.
He asked if we could go for coffee because he didn't want the date to end yet and I agreed.He was being really cute and put his hand out so I could hold it and he told me I made him feel like a normal guy.
Then after more talking we both had to leave. He asked if he could kiss me and I said sure but forgot to bend down but he luckily found it funny. I thought he was only going to kiss me on the cheek but it was a proper kiss on the lips, and he's an amazing kisser and he definitely made me blush which was kind of embarrassing. I definitely want another date.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this latest update from the OP:
MurderByRubeGoldberg
I saw your first post and all the amazing advice you were offered; I'm so glad this went well for you (and forgetting to lean down for the kiss played out well in the end!). One little thing from a person who has a hidden disability - the "you make me feel like a normal guy" bit?
That speaks of worry on his part that you may see him as "less than" - just be watchful for those kind of comments and, as long as you feel it's appropriate, reinforce that to you he is just a normal guy. Just don't go overboard so it seems like you're downplaying his uniqueness. Humans are all about that validation!
xopher_425
Progress marches forward
I love it! Thank you for the update.
tylernazario
Aww that’s really sweet! Also fuck all those guys that ghosted him. Grindr is a cesspool of toxicity and is a showcase of everything wrong with the gay community.
khornflakes529
It's refreshing as hell to occasionally catch one of these adorable ones after reading so many cheater posts.
Luckee666
Saw this one when it was first posted. Such a sweet story. In the comments on the update, OOP mentions another date (cinema date) that "went really well". Fingers crossed they continue having a great time. Thank you, OP, for this palate cleanser!