57 yo man leaves long-time 55 yo GF; says, 'I'm sorry, but I need to have kids.' AITA?
When this man feels guilty about a major life decision, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for changing my mind about kids at 57 and leaving my girlfriend because of it?"
I just turned 57 in early August and my ex girlfriend just turned 55 a few days ago. We were together 25 years before I called it quits two weeks ago.
When my ex and I got together, she was a self described open minded person who, unlike other women I dated, did not start pulling my arm on the marriage issue after we passed the one year mark. She had a mom who grew up in Sweden where couples would live together, have children, but never marry.
She was always on the fence about children. However, I did not want children because at the time I was thinking about how much I was willing to sacrifice to start a business, and how I'd resent my kids for getting in the way of that.
We argued over this, went to counseling over this. Our arguments were interrupted by the fact my startup costs led us to have to sell plasma in order to survive.
Then it was like we woke up one day and my girlfriend was 39 and I was 41, and the money finally started coming in. I felt like my girlfriend did not want to rock the boat at that point and we just wanted to enjoy the money.
We travelled the world. She quit her job to volunteer for a charity. I got involved in causes too. However, I am in my late fifties now, and I think in the back of mind it never registered that the door to having biological kids was closed forever.
But it hit home when my girlfriend sort of in a blase way said, well- that's the end of phantom pregnancies for me, when she found out she was menopausal at 53.
Since then, I've been in an internal crisis because everything about my life has gotten old. My life felt empty. I had worked through the emotional issues that prevented me from wanting kids, and now I desperately wanted a family.
My doctor told me I wouldn't be the first older father. What is worse is that a lot of my once divorced friends who who are also in their fifties have easily had healthy, happy children, and finally the time and money to devote to them.
I felt I was in a place where I appreciated children, could provide for them, and would never take the mom of my children for granted- always seeing her as beautiful, unlike guys in their 30s.
I became more depressed and finally realized that if I wanted to do something about my desire to have biological kids, to see little quirks of myself reflected in my kids in way that can only be described by biology, I needed to act now.
So I sat my then girlfriend down and said this was what I was struggling with. She tried to shame me by saying this was me having a midlife crisis and that I've used up her time and owe her. Even calling me narcissistic for not wanting to adopt, when nearly all parents try for biological kids before adopting.
I'm letting her stay in my vacation house for a month so she can find her own place. The whole time she's been telling everybody I'm crazy and would wake up. AITA for changing my mind, when my girlfriend is acting like I don't get to change my mind?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
foxwyrd writes:
You're leaving your girlfriend of 25 years because of changing your mind at almost 60 about having kids after she finally hit menopause. Is this correct? I just want to make sure I'm understanding this right. YTA.
emerydyst writes:
Yta You're the hugest a ever. She spent her life with you.. waiting for the timing to be "right" while it never was for you. Now that you're old enough to be a grandpa you've decided you want kids and the woman who loved you for half her life suddenly isn't good enough.
I feel truly sorry for her. You've ruined her life and you don't even care because it's all about you and your freakin sperm.
hierofantisa writes:
YTA I thought he said they never married. To start "his" business they sold plasma, meaning they were the brokest of the broke. She lived like that for you. I would love to hear what she has to say. So now she has nothing, but she gets to stay in "your" house.
What kind of financial security are you going to provide her. Something along the lines of well she's homeless but I have toddlers w my trophy wife, who actually dislikes me, but loves my $$. Wait til Trophy gets full custody & big child support & watch how good yr golden years turn out.