'AITA for telling my sister she can't control the name her son introduces himself as?'
Regardless of what you actually name your kid, they're likely to have their own spin on what they want to be called.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, the OP asked if they were wrong for telling their sister she can't control what her son introduces himself as. They wrote:
"AITA for telling my sister she can't control the name her son introduces himself as?"
My sister named my nephew Skylar. She has always called him Skylar and told everybody she knew he would not be Sky, that Sky is a girl's name and not even a good girl's name. Well, once my nephew started school he started calling himself Sky and all his friends and even his teachers call him Sky.
My sister was agitated but expected him to grow out of it. She vented a lot about him going by Sky and how she couldn't understand Sky being such a popular nickname for a boy. My brother pointed out his name is Skylar and Sky is the most common nickname for it with Kyler being possible but not really any better.
My nephew is now 14 and he asked the family to call him Sky as well. We respect what he wants and call him Sky. He told me that he wanted to ask when he was 5 but knew his mom would have a fit. But he no longer cares that she hates Sky. I think it's great he's doing what makes him happy. My sister is now freaking out that everyone calls him Sky except for her. Even her husband, Sky's dad, calls him Sky.
She has tried to fight against Sky using Sky. She told him his name is Skylar and he should call himself that because it will be confusing for people. She told him shortening your name isn't a must. Then she told him she forbids him from introducing himself by the nickname. He told her Sky is more his name than Skylar is by now and she needs to deal with it.
She ranted and raved about the disrespect and how he should have listened to her. I told my sister she can't control the name her son introduces himself as, especially a name that is a common short version of his full name. I told her she's only going to make him resent her if she continues. She told me to mind my own business and of course she has the right, she's his mother. AITA?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Gargantuan_Plant wrote:
NTA. Your sister is controlling and seems very unhinged about this. She has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to tell her son what to call himself and what version of his own name he introduces himself with. This is the kind of behavior that makes people go low or no contact later in life. F**k that s**t.
BetweenWeebandOtaku wrote:
NTA. Your sister is fighting a losing battle. The only question is how much damage she inflicts before she gives it up. My guess is that she has some homophobia/transphobia/gender-related hangups, and the idea of her son having a "girls" nickname is what's driving her so nuts.
Of course, by naming a boy with the obvious nickname being feminine (to her), she just set herself up for this conflict.
everellie wrote:
My son legally changed his name. You know what we call him? What he wants us to. Because we love him and respect him. Your sister needs to learn what that looks like. She's not parenting a baby anymore, where you get to pick their name.
im_justbrowsing wrote:
NTA. If Sky has wanted his name to be Sky since he was five, and is now fifteen, the nickname isn't going away. I changed my name when I was fifteen (albeit for very different reasons, I'm trans), and at 22 I do not regret my choice, even though like in Sky's case, it took a few years of persistence before my family got with the program.
Sky is exploring his identity, and that's pretty normal for teenagers. He's found something he's comfortable with, something that would be harmless if his mom would just go with it. If I could tell Sky's mom anything, it would be that Sky is going to remember that you treated him this way when it comes to sharing anything else with you.
Every single detail of his life he might want to share with his mother is now going to be weighed against the knowledge that she may freak out and turn it into a nightmare for him, and that she may not even try to understand. It may seem like just a small nickname, but what Sky's mother is revealing here is that Sky needs to think before being open with her.
AdventurousAd5107 wrote:
NTA good on you for sticking up for your nephew.
Skylar sounds more feminine to me. Sky sounds more gender neutral. I’m not American though and I always thought Skylar was a girls name. The mother sounds controlling very narcissistic seems like she thinks the son is an extension of her.
Ok-Huckleberry6975 wrote:
NTA this is kind of hysterical. She named him Skylar and is shocked people call him Sky. What did she expect? If she hated the name Sky so much WHY DID SHE NAME HER CHILD SKYLAR.
lordmwahaha wrote:
NTA. Ultimately your kids get to pick their own names. When he's eighteen he'll legally be able to change it to Sky, if he really wants, and she won't be able to do anything about it. She's his mother, not his owner. The point of having a child is to raise a fully independent adult who can make their own choices. Sounds like she needs to be reminded what her job is.
roseflutterby wrote:
I am wondering if this has a transphobic angle, considering how she stated Sky was a GIRLS name as one of the various reasons she dislikes it. Just seems weird. NTA.
Character-Topic4015 wrote:
Sky is gonna go no contact with his mother asap. NTA. Sister needs help.
OP is definitely NTA here, their sister - however, needs to do some soul searching around her priorities.