Bride leaves sister and her kids 'STRANDED' on island during her wedding. AITA?
When this bride feels guilty about her sister, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not getting my sister to leave my wedding?"
My wedding was on a small island, with the main boat taking everyone back (45 minute journey) at 1am. We paid for 2 additional boats: 8pm and 10:30pm for anyone who couldn’t party until early morning.
My sister messaged us prior to the wedding and told us she was trying to sort out her own private boat at 8pm as she had to get my young nieces to bed. We told her we could organise one for her, as we already had to get the photographer back at 8pm. She agreed.
Note: she previously asked us to move our wedding date forward one week after we sent the Save the Date’s out, because my niece was starting school after the wedding weekend.
We had asked her input before we booked (specifically mentioning my nieces and school term times) and she told us to go ahead and book what we wanted, so we did, and we chose to not move the date as we’d booked and let all of our guests know. I feel this has been an issue of contention ever since.
Back to the wedding night: I started the dance floor music early so my nieces could dance with us before they left, and my sister and BIL really got into dancing with them.
My wedding planner asked me who will be on the 8pm boat, I looked at my sister and said ah, my family but I’m not sure which of them at the moment. - this was an error on my part, as I should have specified I didn’t know if my parents would also leave with my sister.
My wedding planner then went on the DJ microphone and gave a notice that the first boat would leave in 10 minutes. My sisters family is still dancing but I don’t ask them to stop and leave to get the boat. We eventually say bye.
She then suddenly makes a beeline for me across the dance floor with really angry eyes and says the boat left. I’m like, what?? And she says yeah, YOU told your wedding planner you didn’t think we were going.
I then said, oh no, that’s not what I said, and she says, am I STUCK here? I say, yes? Because I had no idea what to suggest on the spot, and she storms away from me.
I speak to my wedding planner who is apologising profusely and saying she is calling around different boat companies to see if anyone can help. My nieces see me again and excitedly run up to me to hug me now that they’re back, and my sister shouts GIRLS come on, and they move away from me and my planner.
That bit broke my heart. My husband asked his family for cash as a new boat was available and sorted them out, meanwhile I cried in a toilet cubicle. She messaged us both the next day saying hope we had a nice night, and I wished my niece a good first day of school in response.
We haven’t really spoken since. I can’t tell if she is mad at me, or is mad that I’m possibly mad at her. Either way, I can’t quite lose the anxiety. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
gadgetgirl7 writes:
NTA A thousand times over. There seems to be a pattern in your sister’s behavior you ask her what her needs are - the dates her daughters start school, the boat times. You accommodate those needs.
She then has a problem and needs an additional accommodation - wants you to move the wedding date, fails to notice the time when she knows the boat is leaving at 8 PM. Then she gets mad for her own irresponsible behavior and failure to plan. She needs to take responsibility for causing the problems in the first place.
sunshineshoulder7 writes:
NTA - how is this your issue? You had an 8pm boat and there was an announcement that it would leave. As the person who made a huge deal about needing to be on that specific boat, she needed to have done her part, such as pay attention to the announcements...
set an alarm, harangue the person handling the boats to make certain her family is on it. Your job was to enjoy your wedding and have the best night.
swillsharp writes:
NTA. Your sister has a habit of not paying attention to her OWN goals and needs, then being upset that you haven't sorted her needs out for her.
It was nice of your husband to bail her scatter-brained, self-centered arse out, but she didn't deserve it. Don't feel guilty or anxious, feel mad that your sister is a mess and blames everybody but herself.
You need to start being clear with her - if she isn't clear with her needs up front (wedding date) or can't pay attention to her own deadlines (8pm), that is her problem, not yours or anyone elses. She can get her act together or not, but you will not be working to bail her out again.