Bride uninvites mom to wedding after she ruins bach; threatens to hire 'security.' AITA?
When this bride to be is furious with her mom, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for uninviting my mom to my wedding after she ruined my bachelorette party?"
My mom (64f) and I (31f) have always had something of a difficult relationship. She was emotionally very cruel to me and my sister (29f) during my childhood and in later years I've tried to reconstruct our relationship.
I've been engaged for three years, and last week I had my bacherlorette party, with my sister and all my friends in attendance. As a kind gesture I invited my mom, knowing it wasn't going to be anything too crazy and out of a desire to be closer to her.
My mom made weird, side swipey comments all night about myself and my friends and got super defensive when I asked her to stop. She started sulking and literally went to sit alone in the corner, glaring at us.
We tried to enjoy ourselves as best we could, but it soon came to our attention that my mom was loudly making snoring noises from the corner.
She was pretending to be asleep. I was literally humiliated and upon confronting her, she said she was bored, asked why I'd invited her and said "Your wedding had better not be this dull or I'll fall asleep there too".
I was absolutely furious, but as calmly as I could muster walked away, ordered a cab without telling her, then went back and told her she could go. She looked up at me with total shock and anger, before storming out.
My fiance (30m) let me cry on his shoulder when I got back, and after some talking we decided to rescind her invite to the wedding. I was worried she'd spoil our day by acting out and playing more cruel games.
The talk didn't go well. My mom yelled and accused me of abusing her at the bachelorette, as well as telling me she'd show up whether I liked it or not, and she sounded so genuine that I've literally considered hiring bodyguards for my own wedding.
Was I wrong to uninvite her? It was rude of her, but a part of me can't stop loving her and I guess holding on to a fantasy that she could become better.
Let's see what readers thought.
curiousone4595 writes:
NTA. Generally, I think people are way too quick to weaponize wedding invitations. I also think people are way too quick to conflate a lapse into narcissistic behavior with narcissism as a personality disorder. But hoo boy!
You invited her to an event. She chose to come. Rather than discreetly saying “I’m feeling a bit out of place here, so I’m going to go; you have fun with your friends, love you” she tried to make the event all about her and disrupted it.
Your fear that she might do the same at your wedding is well-founded. Her inability to behave appropriately combined with her severe attention seeking behavior passes even my strict test. Please have an amazing, drama free wedding.
picklempickle writes:
NTA- You know your relationship with your mom. I totally get it. The second I tried to repair my relationship with mine. She would do something deliberately to cut me to the heart. Didn't matter what I did what I spent, I do something tonight and somehow it's going to be manipulated.
I wish you had the mom you deserve. A mom who could be there for you and support you the way you need when you're getting married.
When walking down the aisle my husband and I did it together. I literally didn't have any relative who I could feel like help to raise me. It would have felt wrong.
ezzequalshammer writes:
NTA This stuff is so difficult because a mother’s love is supposed to be unconditional. When it isn’t, that means your love needs to not be as well.
You don’t owe your mother the need to tolerate abusive behavior. She birthed you, she raised you, and she forgot the rest of her job: to support you.
Sorry you’re going through this and I hope you can find forgiveness for her one day. That still doesn’t mean you need to talk to her.