Son tells dad, 'It's not my job to make sure my half-siblings have a mom.' AITA?
When this child of divorce is honest with his father, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my dad it's not my job to make sure my half siblings have a mom?"
My parents divorced when I (17m) was 5. I'm not sure on why. Part of me has always figured dad cheated on mom because he was with someone suspiciously fast afterward, like that same month fast, but my mom never spoke about it. She just told me both she and dad loved me and that would never change and I would never have to choose between my parents.
My dad was in two live-in relationship's post divorce. When I was 7 he was with "Jen" and had Luna (9) with her and then when I was 10 he was with "Bree" and had Harry (7) with her. Jen and Bree both stopped being mom's to their kids and so my dad became a single full time parent to my half siblings.
From that point onward my dad has tried to convince mom she could step up and at least fill some kind of female role model relationship with them. He also corrects me on the half siblings term and says we are just siblings and if I were to call them just my siblings, it might soften mom's heart to being a female or maternal figure for them.
He would ask mom on my behalf to let me have my half siblings over to her house during her custody time (my parents share equal time with me). He would claim I really missed my half siblings when I was gone and he would claim I wanted to spend every holiday with them, etc. None of this is true. I never said those things or implied them.
Luna is having a really hard time having no female family members. She has a dad, two half brother's and an uncle. So dad has been more forceful about mom's part in all of this lately and now he is trying to rope me in more.
He sat me down recently and told me my half siblings deserve to have mom's and I could help them with that. So I'm supposed to share my mom and let them feel the love they deserve to feel. He said I have always treated them like lesser siblings.
First with always using half and then with not trying to include them in my life at my mom's house. He told me this is where my role as big brother needs to really take off.
In response I told him it's not my job and has never been my job to provide my half siblings with a mom. I told him it was on him and their actual mom's to do that. And I told him it was sick how he kept trying to rope my mom in.
I told him to accept that he only had one kid with mom and she was only obligated to care for me. His answer to that was I was disappointing him with both my response and lack of concern for the overall wellbeing of my half siblings and he told me to do better, be better and care more about my innocent little siblings.
I told my mom about it and she tore dad a new one for putting this on me. She told me I am not wrong in what I said to him. But my uncle also said I could have more compassion for my innocent half siblings. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
heirofrvaenclaw writes:
NTA. You or your mother have no obligation to provide a ‘mom’ to your half-siblings. Your father is a moron to think his first wife needs to mother his next two children with other women. Your uncles opinion is irrelevant. None of this is on you.
meganshadow writes:
NTA. Lots of kids grow up fine without moms. Because their dads care about and nurture them. Your dad needs to step up.
If he wants more women in his daughters lives, he needs to help them make those connections. And not by pressuring your mom or dating one. Where are there grandmothers? Why isn’t he pestering their grandmothers to stay in contact?
Where are the trips out with Big Sister organization mentors? Or any other nonprofit that helps kids with mentors?
roninimembers writes:
"You're RIGHT Dad, MOM IS AN AMAZING MOM, isn't she? And a great female role model. BUT you threw away that when you got divorced. YOU were in bed with another woman the same month you left mom... so clearly YOU thought that other women were great mother-figures that's why you had kids with them.
Mom's great, but you threw away the right or the ability to call YOUR other kids HER kids when you threw away the rights to call her wife. If you had stayed with her, she'd continue to be a great mother to all your kids.
But you made your bed, brought other women to it... you can't expect mom to be a mother to kids she didn't make and that she doesn't have responsibility too. You knew what a good mother looked like - you were married to mom. It's your fault you chose other women to have kids with who left you an the kids." NTA.