So basically my daughter(21F) is a college student who lives in my house rent free. She's given a few task to take care of as her form of payment. Those things include cooking, cleaning and watching over her little sister occasionally when my wife & I go out somewhere.
A few days ago I invited my friends over for dinner. My wife was gonna cook up something for us as she usually does, but unfortunately the day before they were to arrive she was feeling a bit nauseous, but told me it would probably go away the next day(it didn't).
My wife told me the next day she felt even worse. I didn't want to make my sick wife cook dinner, so I asked my daughter who was free at the time if she could do the cooking instead. She got an attitude with me and said I should just order take out. Where I'm from it's rude to invite a guest over for dinner and feed them fast food.
I told her we made an agreement that she had to abide to & if she didn't fulfill it she would suffer consequences. We went back & forth for a little bit to which she eventually said fine and made dinner for us. But ever since then she's been avoiding me and gives me short answers when I try to spark a conversation with her.
I understand asking her to cook dinner for my friends out of the blue is what made her upset and her anger is somewhat justified. But at the same time we made an agreement that she has to fulfill, so I'm conflicted on if I was entirely wrong for asking her to cook for us.
I do not view my wife & daughter as servants who are beneath me. We just follow a tradition that advocates for certain roles within the family.
Here's what people had to say in the comments:
WestCovina1234 writes:
YTA. Dumping cooking for your friends on your daughter (or your wife, for that matter) is above and beyond helping you and your wife. And calling it “your” house instead of “our” house is further evidence. If you think ordering fast food for a guest is rude, try thinking about what it means, treating your daughter as your personal chef. I hope she can move out soon.
Throwaway92971 OP responded:
I don't think of her as a personal chef. I'm moreso instilling responsibilities that she'll eventually have to take on with her whenever she gets married.
mynoseisok writes:
NAH She's a moody 21-year-old. It'll mull over soon.
Material_Dinner_8032 writes:
Also, isn’t it kind of standard to support your children while they are getting education? YTA, the fact that you’re doing a basic thing for your child (not asking rent) doesn’t entitle you to treating her like an unpaid servant.
NidorinoBeano writes:
YTA how about you cook for your own friends instead of getting your wife and daughter to?
boglyric writes:
YTA something wrong with your hands? Why didn't you make dinner? I feel like that's a totally unreasonable request if you are able bodied yourself. If you are in some way physically unable to cook then you could have asked nicely, most adults dont respond well to being forced to do anything and you make the mistake of treating your daughter like the hired help.
She doesn't owe you anything just for being your child.