Man abandons child to go to college; says, 'I never wanted a kid.' CONCLUDED
"AITAH for moving away for college and abandoning 'my' son?"
I got my a high school hookup “Lily” pregnant when we were both 17 (I’m 18 now). She told me she was on the pill and, like the stupid teen I am, I didn’t use protection.
I don’t know if she lied about being on the pill, or if her pregnancy was the 0.01%, but a month and a half later, Lily and her parents showed up on my doorstep. She was crying happy tears and had a positive pregnancy test in her hands. Her parents were glaring daggers.
We had a sit down conversation with all our parents to talk about what we were going to do. I was adamant that I did not want to be a dad. I wasn’t (still ain’t tbh) ready to be a dad, and practically begged her to not have the child.
My parents even offered to pay for it (with the expectation that I would pay them back in the future), but Lily refused to end the pregnancy. I said that was fine, but I wouldn’t be attending the birth or signing any papers. If she wants a baby that’s fine, but I don’t.
Since Lily gave birth, she’s continually asked me for money and to watch the baby. I have refused each time, because I never asked to be a dad and that baby is not my responsibility. I fulfilled my responsibility when my parents offered to pay to end the pregnancy. I didn’t meet “my” son (despite Lily’s efforts) until a week ago.
Anyway, I’ve been accepted into an out of state college and will be moving to my new city very soon. I held a garage sale to get rid of my old junk (with my parents’ permission) and made a social media post about it.
I guess one of Lily’s friends was still following me and told her, because Lily showed up at the garage sale with the baby and called me every name in the book because I was “abandoning” her and the baby by moving away for college.
I tried to explain, for what has to be the millionth time, that I don’t want to be a dad. She just kept yelling and eventually my parents asked her to leave the property and threatened to call the cops for trespassing. She then left.
The thing is, if I called off my college plans now my life would pretty much be over. I don’t want to stay in the same podunk town for the rest of my life because of a baby I never wanted and isn’t even legally mine.
Still, my parents are pressuring me to at least try to build a relationship with Lily and the baby when I’m home on break (probably because my older sister is a childfree lesbian and Lily’s baby is their only biological grandchild).
I don’t want to build any relationship because I don’t want to be a fucking dad! I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about that, but everyone from my parents to random kids I haven’t spoken to in years have been badgering me nonstop to get involved in the baby’s life. AITAH?
Edit: alright alright, y’all can stop telling me that I don’t know how the law works, clearly I’ve got the message. I’m gonna talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights, clearly my cursory Google wasn’t enough. I’m going to college for engineering, not law, give me a break.
Here were the top rated comments:
Far-Pickle-2440
Dude you’re going to be on the hook for child support. Not offering a judgment, just offering the clarification:
You don’t have a way out of child support unless another dude adopts. You will have wages garnished until the child is 18 or 21, depending on the state. It’s going to be between 10 and 20% of income, and can be changed upwards, and there’s no exit. You’re in it financially.
Is it fair? No comment from me. Did she lie? Well, probably, but that doesn’t change anything about the legal situation. Again, not offering judgment, outlining what you seem not to know.
WestCoast_Redneck
Also get a DNA test to confirm that it is yours.
mnelso1989
I'm assuming they are saying don't do this unless ordered to make payments by judge. If he does this, and it comes back positive, it could create the mom to go after him where she may not have.
All this to be said, he's an entitled little shit who doesn't understand responsibility. The audacity to claim 'I offered to pay for abortion, therefore I fulfilled my obligation' makes me want to s#@p that little s%$t. Welcome to real life where actions have consequences!
hurtbeyondrepairr
“I will sign away my rights.” Ooooh boy OP, you can’t even do that lol.
Sassrepublic
gonna talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights
Good. The attorney can explain to you that “signing away paternal rights” doesn’t absolve you of paternal responsibility. You will still be obligated to pay child support if she ever pursues it. You can sign away your rights to a relationship with the child but you can not sign away your financial responsibility. Next time, use protection.
KimBrrr1975
In a lot of places, she might not even have the choice to pursue it. If she has to apply for food stamps, medical assistance for the baby, or any other social safety nets, they usually require that the court get involved to collect child support and provide benefits (if dad has a job that offers them) to alleviate the burden on the tax payers. Dad doesn't get to bow out and leave tax payers on the hook.
Longjumping-Fox4690
Dude… who is informing you of this nonsense? You can’t just sign away your rights and say “not going to be responsible”. It doesn’t work like that. You’re paying child support buddy. Deal with it.
Patrickosplayhouse
Unless DNA says otherwise, OP should stop using quotes around 'my.' Probably needs to stop saying 'not legally mine' until such time as an attorney confirms it.
OP has every right to opt out of involvement in the child's life.
Financially, however..... why wouldn't the baby mama expect $$$ for support?
Katharinemaddison
It’s actually 1% not 0.01% for the pill to fail with perfect use. For average use it’s 9%.
Today, the day after the OP's original post, they returned with an update.
'AITAH for moving away for college and abandoning my kid (UPDATE)'
Additional-Lynx182
So, I didn’t expect to be updating so soon, or at all tbh. Unsurprisingly, I got ripped apart on the last post, and rightfully so. Yeah, I’d be a terrible father, that’s why I shouldn’t, and don’t want to, be one. Honestly the reality that I have a kid that I’d be financially responsible for was so overwhelming, and now that I couldn’t ignore it anymore, I was kinda spiraling.
Seriously though, for the next four years at least I’m going to be a broke college student with very little free time (and certainly no money) to waste on a girl I barely know and a kid I don’t love. Makes me sound like a monster I know, but it’s the truth.
I have no emotional attachment to that kid or to Lily, does that make me an emotionally bankrupt psychopath? Maybe, but I honestly don’t give a single f*ck. Unfortunately, up until yesterday, I thought that I didn’t have a choice as to if I’m a father or not. However, it seems as though I’m the luckiest man in the whole universe. Allow me to explain:
So, apparently my parents were less ok with my non-involvement than I thought, and my mom contacted Lily and her family to offer her support, should Lily decide to sue for child support. Lily and co asked my mom for a DNA test to use as evidence, and my mom agreed and went to get tested without telling me.
The results came in the mail today. You guys, I’m not the father. All this drama, all the making public scenes and turning my family against me, and the kid isn’t even mine. According to my mom (which apparently she was told by Lily and her mom) Lily had slept with three guys in a couple day timespan and she wasn’t sure about the paternity.
The options were: Tyler who lives in a trailer, Danny the dropout, and of course yours truly. Since I have a stable home life, no criminal record, and good(ish) grades, she decided that I would be the most equipped to support a child.
She pinned the pregnancy on me and didn’t tell her parents about the other two guys. Since all three potential baby daddies are white guys with brown hair, and there was a 1/3 chance it was mine anyway, she figured she could get away with it.
Well too bad Lily! You couldn’t have just left me alone, and now because your mom can’t keep her mouth shut to save her life (or your dignity), the whole damn town knows you’re a liar!
Serves her right, if she’d just been honest about who she slept with, and gotten the test done right after birth, maybe she would’ve gotten the actual father involved. But now, Tyler is in prison for drug charges and Danny left the country, and now that everybody knows I’m not the father, she’s never getting a cent from me or my family.
Hallelujah and chicken pot pie, I’m free! God, even just typing this I can’t stop smiling. I’ve been on cloud nine for hours now and I don’t think I’ll come down any time soon. Seriously, my jaw hurts from smiling so much.
My life isn’t over, I’m fact it’s only just beginning. I’m going to go to college, get my degree, and forget that Lily, that kid, and this whole damn town ever existed!
Call me whatever names you want because nothing anyone says can hurt me now. I don’t have a kid. It’s the greatest thing to ever (not) happen to me! Also, if there’s one thing this experience has taught me it’s to always use protection, and I’m gonna do just that because there’s no way I’m risking this again.
I’m considering becoming celibate just in case lol, seriously I feel like I’ve died and come back to life today, and I ain’t gonna waste my second chance. Peace out y’all.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after what appears to be the final update from the OP:
Far-Juggernaut8880
Congrats on the negative paternity test… consider this a close call and reason to be more responsible with birth control.
StillCockroach7573
I’m actually happy for you. You’re way too immature to be in this situation again. Never trust anyone who says they’re on birth control. People can forget to take it and for stds sake just always be safe. I normally don’t condone calling women hurtful names but holy sh*t...
IF this is true, she is a real monster for putting you through that. Imagine if OP actually stepped up and took responsibility for his actions and got to know the child. Finding out it wasn’t his would’ve been heartbreaking.
ChimoEngr
While you are no longer a deadbeat dad asshole, you’re still an asshole because you are still the same person who was willing to be a deadbeat dad.
AITAthrowaway1mil
You escaped this by the skin of your teeth, and not through any action or non action of your own. Never be intimate without protection again unless you want children. You will not be so lucky next time, and no one will accept ‘but I don’t want to be a dad’ as an excuse, least of all the courts.