'AITA for letting my son eat the 'special' stew my stepdaughter prepared for her friends?'
"AITA for letting my son eat the 'special' stew my stepdaughter prepared for her friends?"
I have been married to my wife for 5 months, living together for almost a year before marriage. My stepdaughter Ann (16f) used to split time between her parents but is currently with us full time as her father will be oversea until August.
I also have a son, Leo (17m), who lives mostly with my ex-wife and with me on weekends. The kids go to different schools and have a decent relationship.
My wife and Ann are great cooks. My wife's parents came from another country and she and Ann regularly make exotic dishes from their homeland which are delicious. Both my son and I appreciate the dishes though we still have problems learning what is what.
A few days ago Leo stopped by for something he left. Nobody was home so he let himself in. Leo said there was a big pot of stew on the stove and it smelled delicious and he asked if he could have some.
My wife or Ann often made a huge batch of food when they cook, so it was nothing surprising. I told Leo to go ahead and just leave some for us. Now Leo is a wrestler and he eats a lot. A while later he sent me a photo, showing me how much stew was left in the pot. I could tell there was at least 5 servings left, so I thought nothing of it.
An hour later Ann called me, upset. She asked if I had eaten the stew she made. It was a special recipe from her grandma and she invited her friends over to try it. She said the stew was supposed to feed 9 people and she invited 6 friends but someone obviously had eaten almost half of her stew.
I told her it was Leo and apologized, telling her she could order pizza for her friends and I would pay for it. Ann said it was poor compensation for her friends looking forward to her stew which she spent hours preparing but she did take my offer.
When I later apologized and had Leo call to apologize himself, she said she accepted our apologies though she has been rather quiet around me.
My wife later told me I should not just allow Leo to eat whatever he wants in our kitchen as sometimes she and Ann have plans for their dishes.
I think it's completely ridiculous that Leo is not allowed to eat things from his own father's kitchen and if my wife or Ann has a special plan for their food, they should put a note on it, otherwise, things in the kitchen should be up for grabs as the kitchen is a communal space for food and I pay for most of the groceries.
I think if Leo is not allowed to have the food then it's like he's not part of the family. I am willing to talk to him about portion control but other than that I think he should be able to eat what he wants in the kitchen unless there's a note saying not to. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
thinsatisfaction writes:
I’m going to go against the grain and say NAH, it was a simple mistake and you both apologized immediately for it. I know a pizza doesn’t make up for it, and I hope you do too but I agree that the son should feel comfortable enough in his father’s house to eat when he’s there.
It sounds like this was a special occasion for your step daughter which makes it even worse, especially considering how when you’re a teenager everything is “end of the world” when things go wrong but since it was a special occasion it also means it doesn’t happen all the time and you had no reason to think it was made for something special.
Though you have to finguee something out to make sure this never happens again because it’s not fair to your stepdaughter
segglife writes:
YTA. My guy, my HUSBAND knows he's not allowed to eat cooking/prepared food unless he's talked with me first, and he pays the mortgage. You are bending over backwards trying to justify this, but you were wrong and you need to take accountability and apologize sincerely.
How would you feel if you spent all day baking and decorating a cake from scratch for a birthday party you were throwing someone you love, and your stepdaughter helped herself to half of it while it was in the kitchen because it didn't have a note on it?
And then your wife said "don't worry about it, here's some money to get some Oreos, what's the big deal? She should be able to eat in my house! Next time if you don't want someone to come along and eat it, leave a note!"
Would you be angry about someone taking something without asking? Would you be appauled by the amount they took? Would you be disappointed that you didn't get to present your friend with the beautiful cake you made for them?
Would you be insulted someone thought a cheap snack was a suitable substitute for what you had made? Would you be resentful that your cake being ruined was actually being blamed on YOU because you didn't leave a note?
fitmeasurement2020 writes:
NTA for saying he can help himself. Anyone in the family can eat the family food. If a certain dish was made for a reason, like this one, it should be communicated, otherwise anyone should be able to eat it.
HOWEVER, your son needs to be considerate of others in the household. Sure he can eat but, as in any family, be considerate that others have to eat as well. And this is the perfect time to communicate this to him.
It’s not fair that she put all this work in for a reason, and he just shoveled most of it without thinking of others. Regardless of the reason, he should have thought of others. He is old enough to do so. YWBTA to not address this with him.
"they should put a note on it, otherwise, things in the kitchen should be up for grabs as the kitchen is a communal space for food and I pay for most of the groceries." Was putting a note on it a previous rule or did you just make that up to excuse your rudeness?
Do you do the meal plan for each week, deciding what to cook and how much to buy to serve all? Do you do all the grocery shopping? Do you cook every meal? Did you cook this one? Did you replace the ingredients so she can make it again, or ask what she wants to make next time?
He took HALF of a pot of food that you thought was meant for three staying there and turned out to be 5 portions worth! That’s simply inconsiderate.
YTA and you and your son have no manners. Obviously prepared food that is still cooking is not up for grabs before the meal. Of course, since you rarely cook, you clearly don’t appreciate their effort.