"AITA for not paying for my daughter's education?"
I have a daughter who is about to start college. She actually got in last year but deferred it by a year.
My daughter and I have never had a great relationship. Her mom died shortly after her birth and I became a single dad with her and her older brother. She looks and behaves similarly to her mom who I did not have the best relationship with. Very narcissistic and self absorbed and vain.
Whenever I got her brother anything, she had to one up it, found ways of earning money on the side so she can buy expensive makeup, a laptop etc.
She got into a really good school and wants to do electrical engineering but I know she used people to get there and optimized her chances by intentionally finding high profile contacts and doing the right extra curricular.
I made it clear a year ago that I would not pay for her to study engineering and she seemed upset at the time when I told her that and seemed to have expected up to that point that I would pay for her college like I did for her brother.
My son did not get into such a top school but it was still expensive and he went to study business. The reason I paid for it was that he wanted to work for my small business after graduating so I saw it as an investment in my business.
While I could afford it for my daughter, I don't feel like she needs it, she got a partial scholarship and can cover the rest with loans and work and has already made plans to do so. I am also saving up for a down payment as my son and his girlfriend are looking to buy a house together.
My daughter would not need this as she says she wants to remain single but it she ever changed her mind on that I would do the same for her. AITA here since I don't see the point if she will not work for the family business?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
classyhoodie writes:
YTA and the way your talking about your own daughter is scary. She seemed to have worked super hard to get to where she is and yet you are convinced she’s used people to get there.
And the fact that you say while you were buying her brother stuff she’s earning her own money. You don’t hear how that sounds at all? Also it sounds like because she’s similar to your wife who died you treat her differently which isn’t her fault. You should go to therapy.
sunsetcomedy writes:
YTA - A massive one. You paid for your son’s college and are now saving for a down payment on a home for him. You clearly favor your son.
You are ridiculously punishing your daughter for reminding you of your dead wife. Your daughter not bending to your will by joining the family business is what makes you the AH. For once in your life, be a good father and support your daughter like you have your son.
You need to celebrate and support your daughter. She earned her own money to buy a laptop while you bought one for your son. She actually out performed your son to get into a better college. She did that through her hard work without any encouragement from you.
You have your head buried so far up your ass when it comes to your daughter, it’s frightening. I hope your daughter graduates and has a wonderful life without you in it.
letsgetit99 writes:
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA. Your daughter works to get more money, your daughter got into a good engineering school, and you won't pay for it.
YTA not for not paying for her college, but for how you treat your daughter. It seems like you're projecting your feelings about your ex on your daughter. It's really weird that you think she was one-upping you by buying herself things that you weren't buying her, but would buy her brother.
And the fact that you believe her networking and making smart choices to be "using people" shows that you're upset that she's more resourceful than you and is likely going to be far more successful than you after she graduates college.