Dad rolls eyes when 20yo son tells him 'homeschooling me ruined my life.' AITA?
"AITA for not backing down over homeschooling my son?"
My son “Colin” recently turned 20. He's my youngest kid, I have two older kids from an ex-wife (they're 32 and 35, respectively). He's been doing some catching up with them and I guess they've been telling him stuff about what they did during their childhood/teen years.
I took him out for b33rs the other day and out of the blue he starts complaining that I'm some type of AH for homeschooling him. That compared to his older siblings his childhood was s&%t and that thanks to me he has no friends and no social circle.
It is true that I sent his older siblings to a private catholic school (I'm not religious but I do think there are higher standards of education there), but that's because I could afford it then. Times had changed by the time I had Colin.
I don't get what he's complaining about. He always seemed so happy as a kid. It's not like he was stuck inside all day either, we played sports and stuff like that.
He had way more free time than regular kids, and he got a way better education, too (my wife is a certified teacher). I understand maybe he should've been around more other kids but all he had to do was ask and I would've arranged it in a heartbeat. But he always seemed happy, like I said.
I told him he needs to stop comparing himself to other people and just be grateful for the wonderful life he's had the opportunity to live. He got all sarcastic and moody, said his life was/is horrible and there's nothing to look forward to.
He wanted me to “admit” the homeschooling was a bad idea. But in my heart of hearts I know it was the right thing to do so I couldn't agree with him. He got really drunk and weirdly silent, and has been in a funk for the past few days, very unlike his normal self.
I get that he's upset with me, but I don't think I should lie and say I agree with him about the homeschooling when I actually don't. AITA for not backing down?
Let's see what readers had to say.
sjwo writes:
YTA. School is about far more than just the education you receive. You build social networks from a very early age and home schooling takes a huge part of that away.
I left school over 30 years ago and am still in contact with many people I was there with. It sounds as though home schooling him was more about you and he is right to be upset about it as you deprived him of a massive part of his childhood.
ereweare writes:
YTA. He's telling you how he feels, what his experience makes him feel like, and you're telling him his feelings are wrong. YOU are in the wrong for doing this.
And I have news for you: it does sound like you failed him with the homeschooling. Education is more than academic learning. It's also learning to make friends, socialize, get along with others and collaborate in the real world.
All the good homeschooling families I know ensure their children also participate in lots of group activities and go out of their way to ensure they spend lots of time with people their own age on top of their book learning.
kukka7 writes:
YTA, your son appeared to have no control over his education and clearly did not feel like it was possible to ask to attend school. It was YOUR responsibility to ensure that he was still meeting other children and have friends.
This 'we played sports' and 'he seemed happy' is your interpretation of the situation. Homeschooling does not mean that a child is stuck with their parents all the time. Shame on you for putting the responsibility of change on the shoulders of a child.