'AITA for telling my 20-year-old daughter to say hello and goodbye properly?'
"AITA for telling my 20-year-old daughter to say hello and goodbye properly?"
I 46m have 3 kids, Sarah 20f, Oliver 16m and Benjamin 8m, (fake names.) Sarah has a different mother to my son’s mother, Dana 47f. I live with my sons & Dana.
About a month ago, Sarah’s lease on her apartment ended, and she temporarily moved in with me since she wasn’t able to secure another place to move into on time. She was sleeping on an air bed in Oliver’s room. About 2 weeks into Sarah staying over, Dana and Oliver had an argument over something related to his school.
I got involved when the argument started to get out of control. Sarah did not get involved as the argument had nothing to do with her. After the argument ended, I had to leave for work, before I left I saw that Dana had packed away the bed Sarah was sleeping on but didn’t think anything of it as I could fill it with air again.
Dana locked herself in our bedroom, like she usually does when we have arguments. When I got home around midnight, the arguments started again. Dana then turned to Sarah and said she didn’t want her staying in our home anymore, even though the arguments had nothing to do with her.
Sarah asked Dana if she decided she didn’t want her to stay anymore when Dana put the bed away earlier, but she didn’t respond. Sarah booked the first train to her mom’s house but since she didn’t have a bed to sleep on she sat on the sofa until about 5am when she left to get the train.
(The train to her mom’s takes 4 hours since she lives in a different city.) She didn’t say goodbye when she left. Sarah managed to find another apartment to move into, and planned to come to my house to get her stuff. When she came back she greeted everyone before going to use the bathroom.
While she was in the bathroom I texted to her “You need to say Hi and Bye properly and say thank you for letting you stay here and leaving your stuff here, never leave a bad impression wherever you go”. When she came out of the bathroom she said Hi to Dana again but Dana didn’t respond.
When Sarah was ready to leave with her stuff she said to Dana “thanks for letting me leave my stuff here” and Dana said a quiet “you’re welcome”.
Hours later I get a call from Sarah’s mom telling me that I’m an AH for sending that message to Sarah after I “allowed Dana to kick Sarah out when she needed a place to say” and told me to stop wondering why Sarah never speaks to me or visits me when she gets treated the way she does.
This honestly infuriated me because what was the point in Sarah sending her the message when she already knows her mom and I don’t get along? When Sarah was growing up her mother always told me that I show favouritism to my sons since I only used to visit Sarah once a year.
She lived 4 hours away before moving to the same city as me so how was it my fault that it was difficult to see her more than once? She says when Dana disrespects Sarah I find a way to defend Dana and put blame on Sarah which I just don’t think is true. She said it was toxic parenting. I really don’t see how I’m wrong here and I think others would agree too so, AITA?
Let's see what readers thought of this family dynamic.
melodyraine writes:
Yeah you're an asshole. YTA. You let Dana throw your daughter out in the middle of the night over a fight Dana started with your son. Then you had the gall to demand your daughter show the woman who threw her out proper manners and gratitude?
Where was this good manners kick when your wife acted like an absolute wicked stepmother out of a Disney fairy tale? Why haven't you demanded your wife apologize to your daughter for her disgusting behavior?
Never mind, read the rest. You're a worthless excuse for an AH who couldn't put the bare minimum in to visit your daughter more than once a year (four-hour trip? I did four hour round trips to hang out with friends for an evening).
You deserve to walk the infinite path of legos under the Saraha sun for all eternity and it still wouldn't make up for the a^%*oleishness you've shown.
onescaryarmadillo writes:
YTA for not standing up for your daughter when your wife threw her out for no reason. Did you have a conversation with your wife after Sarah said “hi” and Dana didn’t respond? Seems like you don’t like your daughter.
As for visiting only once a year when they lived 4 hours away, she’s your kid man. 4 hours isn’t 4 days, you could’ve made more time to go see your daughter and show her you loved her with time and attention. Kids need that. Her mom is right.
xelamajor writes:
YTA reread what you just wrote. Everything you wrote is atrocious!! I can't believe you even call yourself a father. So, she gets kicked out for no reason other than Dana deemed it so and Dana didn't even have the balls to tell her, she was just passive aggressive about it.
And then you made her eat shit and smile and thank you for the opportunity. God, you and Dana are the worst. And I hope when your old and unable to take care of yourself, you never need anything from Sarah.