Mom accuses ex-husband's new wife of treating her daughter poorly, she says, 'stop meddling; leave us alone.' AITA?
"AITA for Confronting My Ex-Husband's New Wife Over Her Treatment of My Daughter?"
No-Attention-3395
I (38F) find myself in a complicated situation involving my ex-husband (40M) and his new wife (35F). We divorced five years ago, and while our marriage ended, our priority has always been our 10-year-old daughter, Lily.
Initially, everything was smooth. My ex-husband and I shared custody of Lily, and we both made an effort to maintain a friendly co-parenting relationship. However, things took a turn for the worse when my ex-husband introduced Lily to his new girlfriend, now his wife, Sarah.
At first, I was happy for my ex-husband to have found love again. But it didn't take long for me to notice that Sarah was treating Lily differently from her own children. She has two kids from a previous marriage, and while she's affectionate and kind to them, she often excludes Lily.
Lily would come home after her weekends with her dad and Sarah, tearfully recounting incidents where she felt left out, ignored, or even bullied by Sarah's children. Lily's self-esteem took a hit, and she started acting out at home and at school.
I tried to address this issue with my ex-husband, explaining how it was affecting Lily's emotional well-being. He assured me that he would talk to Sarah about it. However, nothing seemed to change. Sarah's behavior persisted, and Lily continued to suffer.
Feeling helpless, I decided to take matters into my own hands. One day, after dropping Lily off at her dad's place, I asked to speak with Sarah privately. I calmly expressed my concerns and told her how Lily was feeling left out and hurt. I suggested that we could all sit down and discuss how to make this transition easier for Lily.
Sarah, however, became defensive and accused me of meddling in her family. She even insinuated that I was trying to drive a wedge between her and my ex-husband. Our conversation quickly escalated into an argument, with neither of us willing to back down.
After that confrontation, my ex-husband and I had a heated discussion. He accused me of causing problems in his new marriage and demanded that I stay out of his business. I argued that our daughter's well-being should be our top priority, and I couldn't ignore her pain.
In the end, my ex-husband and I haven't spoken since that argument, and Lily's situation hasn't improved. I can't help but wonder if I should have handled things differently. AITA for confronting my ex-husband's new wife over her treatment of my daughter, even if it strained our co-parenting relationship and led to further tensions in their marriage?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
diminishingpatience
NTA. "our daughter's well-being should be our top priority" Unfortunately only one of you thinks this.
millymollymel
Time to get evidence ( have daughter keep a diary and you keep a written log of everything she tells you) and get a solicitor. Time to go back to court.
hollywierzbicki
NTA. Stop sending her. She is old enough to tell a court how she feels and that she doesn't want to go there. If he wants to have a relationship with her, he can pick her up and take her out for dinner and a movie or activities and bring her home after.
Affectionate-Owl2045
Nta- but you need to record these events and take him to court for emotional abuse and neglect for your daughter.
The-Comfy-Chair
NTA - standing up for your daughter is the right thing to do. I’d ask her what she wants to do regarding visiting, and be prepared for her to change her mind a couple of times. Just let her know that you support whatever decision she makes and that you will love her whatever so that she doesn’t feel that seeing him would be betraying you.
edebby
NTA. Having a talk about it with Sarah was the right thing to do. It only became a confirmation because she chose to. She could easily hear you out and respectfully answer how she sees it from her end.
And as a mom I would expect her to understand your concern, and cooperate, but her response hints me that she knows you are right, and the attack and the accusation that you are trying to hurt her marriage is a poor deflection of the real issue.
Its sad that your ex didn't even stop for one second to understand whether you might be right, and that his daughter is in pain. Just shows where his priorities are.