Single dad asks 'Am I the a-hole for not comforting my daughter after she got hurt?'

There's nothing harder than raising a child on your own... except if that child is also suffering from a chronic illness.

A Dad, tired of seeing his daughter in pain, decided to switch up his parenting tactics. Then he came to Reddit to ask if he made a mistake.

'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for not comforting my daughter after she got hurt?'

u/hoodie_4552 writes:

I know I sound like the AH from the title but let me explain.

Always a good start.

I (m30) have a daughter (f13) I am a single dad and it's always been just her and I. My daughter due to health issues has always dealt with a lot of joint pain which is a difficult thing to deal with at such a young age. And it's really difficult seeing my daughter in chronic pain.

We are watching my sister’s dog who is a high-energy golden retriever. This morning my daughter was playing with the dog, not just throwing a toy or something but full on like rough housing with the dog. I see right away that her doing this wouldn't end well for my daughter.

So I warned my daughter that playing with the dog like that probably won't be the best idea and told her she'll probably be in pain later so she better stop. She told me she'll be fine.

After that, I told her she better stop because I don't see a good outcome happening. She ignored me, so I let her rough house with the dog, which went on for over an hour.

You can probably guess where this is going.

When my daughter was done I could tell she was feeling some pain already. She didn't complain throughout the day, but it was very clear she was in pain. Specifically a more intense pain after playing with the dog.

My mom came over to visit and saw my daughter clearly in pain, and usually when my daughter is having more difficult days with managing her pain I make sure to make sure she's comfortable and just try to make her feel better.

Well, today my daughter wasn't willing to tell me she was in pain, so I wasn't about to start comforting her if she's trying to act like everything is fine.

I explained that to my mom and she got upset and told me I need to grow up and stop being a stubborn AH just cause my daughter didn't listen to me. So AITA (Am I the a-hole)?

So, is OP's mother right? Is he being a stufforn a-hole, or just treating his daughter the way she wants to be treated?

Reddit gave an empassioned YTA (you're the a-hole) and did not hold back, especially those who were chronically sick children themselves.

Elystaa writes:

YTA and a big one. Pain is not socially acceptable to show and we all learn this at a young age. Your daughter is disabled due to this pain it interferes with every aspect of her life and sometimes you just want to feel normal for a little while. Nothing more normal then playing with her pup. That you are so heartless to be all I told you so to her is just being a jackass, and a bad parent to boot.

morgaine125 says:

YTA. For petesake, your daughter wanted to play with a dog. My heart aches for your daughter that such a simple joy as playing with a dog causes her significant pain.

Would it really so awful to show some empathy and take care of her when you can tell she's in pain even if she doesn't say it? It seems like you were withholding comfort from her until she gave you the 'I told you so' moment you were looking for.

tiny-eri writes:

I was the kid with chronic pain. It was SO hard. You just want to do normal things but you pay for them every time. Sometimes you do them anyway, even if rationally it might not be wise because christ you have to get some joy somewhere. Living with chronic pain can be a really really difficult and frankly depressing existence, be kind to your daughter.

tatersprout goes in on OP:

Boy, you really know how to suck the joy out of a moment. As a person with chronic pain and bodily autonomy, I get to decide what activities are worth being in pain later. Let your daughter have fun in her life. She can't spend her life in bubble wrap.

You acting like an AH is actively teaching your daughter to lie to you, and not alert you when she needs you or your help. Don't be that way. Do you want her to suffer in silence because your ego is too big?

But Fabulous_Piccolo_178 disagrees:

NAH (No a-holes here). It sounds like you’re doing your best and it had to be frustrating watching your child just play with a dog, normal kid stuff, knowing she’d suffer later. Being the parent of a chronically ill child is tough, give yourself a break.

Click_To_Sign_In sums up hot most of Reddit feels:

She's 13. She's a child, she's allowed to fuck up and still have her dad take care of her. YTA.

What do you think?

It's clear that OP messed up, but are these comments being way too hard on him? (There are a lot more.)