'AITA for telling my wife I don't like her breastfeeding method? I was disgusted.'
Trigger warning. This story is a bit dark, so tread lightly as you read. When this father is confused about how his wife is feeding their kid, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my wife I don't like her breastfeeding method?"
I’ve debated posting because this feels a bit too personal to me, this happed about a month and a half ago but we still aren’t talking much (maybe once a week), she took the baby and moved back in with her parents.
My(31M) wife(27F) and I lost our first child four years ago to SIDS. My wife never understood how that could be a thing and blamed it on the formula she was using. She tried breast feeding but could never produce enough so she switched to formula.
Our little guy had a pretty sensitive stomach so we had tried nearly every formula, we finally found one that worked for him but unfortunately at 22 days old SIDS took him from us. My wife is still i’m therapy for this.
Now we’ve welcomed our second child, also a boy. My wife always said she wasn’t ready for another kid any time I asked, so it goes without saying that he wasn’t planned.
During the pregnancy my wife only ate organic, nothing processed, no soda or coffee, and it was mostly raw veggies. She looked into what would make her produce more breast milk and tried to eat lots of things on that list.
After our son is born she won’t let anybody come to the house, she makes me shower and wash up before I even get to see my son because she doesn’t want outside germs inside. She’s become obsessive with trying to keep our son from everything.
One day I go to make him a bottle and can’t find the formula, so I ask my wife. (this is the first bottle I would’ve made for him, my wife felt safer doing it herself) She says to use the little bags of milk in the freezer and explained the whole de-thawing and warming process because she got rid of our microwave so I had to heat water on the stove.
I asked her if she was able to produce now why she didn’t just breastfeed him, she said she wasn’t able to, her friend produces too much for her two kids to be able to use so she gives some to my wife every week or so.
I was disgusted. I told her it was nasty to use breast milk that wasn’t hers, we don’t know if this woman has diseases or anything. She assured me that it was safe and she asked her friend list of questions before, but I was having none of it.
I took the breast milk out of the freezer and threw it away, I poured the water I had just heated onto it as well.
I left to go buy some formula and when I got back my wife and son were gone. After many many many calls she texted me and said they would be staying at her parents for the time being.
I told my friend about it and his girlfriend told me I was a massive pos, asshole, dick, and many other colorful worlds. I do feel bad, but I don’t want my son drinking a random woman’s breast milk. AITA?
Let's find out what Reddit had to say.
ironfang30 writes:
NTA. I understand his concern. It would have been completely different if the friend was screened and tested so he could know that she's healthy and disease free.
The fact that his wife didn't have a conversation with him before doing this and then absconding with their child is insane. I understand she's grieving still but I think that she still needs help processing her loss.
johnjohnjameson4 writes:
YTA. You threw away the breast milk?! Have you ever heard of donor milk?? Many women who produce too much will donate their milk so women who don’t produce enough, like me, can still give their babies that massive benefits that breast milk provides.
That was a major jerk move. And it wasn’t a “random woman,” it was a friend of your wife.
guillblewitness75 writes:
NTA. You’re not the asshole in this situation, though I think pouring the hot water on the milk was childish, I wouldn’t like the idea of my wife feeding our baby someone else’s milk if I were you. She should’ve spoken with you about it.
I understand your wife is heartbroken and terrified to go through SIDS again, but that doesn’t mean she should just take your kid and run to her parents’ home.
What happened to y’all is a tragedy, but the formula didn’t cause it. I guess, maybe because your wife is really going through it, you should just use the friend’s breastmilk… even if you and I don’t like it.