'AITA for building my teenage sons a bedroom in the backyard?'
"AITA for building my teenage sons a bedroom in the backyard?"
My wife and I have 5 children together (9M, 8M, 7M, 4M, 2M) and I have 3 children with my ex-wife (17M, 15M, 13F). When I bought our current house, it had 4 bedrooms, I later renovated the basement to add another 2 bedrooms.
My wife and I have 1 room, the 3 teenagers had a room each, and the younger boys share the other 2 rooms (with various configurations over the years). As the younger boys get older things are going to get more cramped for them and we haven't ruled out having more kids.
I also don't want to immediately take my older kid’s rooms away the second they go to college (and maybe they'll stay local or not go at all), because of this I started looking at how I would add more bedrooms.
The property our house is on is a little under 1 acre. Last year I decided I would build a den in the backyard that could become the older boys’ bedrooms. The build was finished a few weeks ago and the boys have moved in.
They have a small shared living space that includes a kitchenette, a shared bathroom, and they each have their own rooms. It's essentially a tiny house in our yard. The boys love it, and we had a lot of fun working on the build together.
My ex-wife, however, is less than pleased with the boys new living arrangements. She has multiple safety concerns as she thinks they are too far away if something happens and that they will feel like they could get away with whatever as I can't monitor them well.
She also thinks it's unfair they will have to walk through a yard to get to and from their bedrooms to the house even in adverse weather conditions.
She feels as though I'm pushing the boys away by housing them in the backyard and that it suggests I'm prioritizing my new family, while at the same time thinking giving them a cool den in the backyard is favoring them over their sister.
I think her biggest issue is the one she didn't mention, which is worrying the boys will want to spend even more time at my house if they have more privacy and great place to hang with their friends.
We no longer split custody based on our custody agreement and for the last few years the boys have lived the majority of the time with me, where as our daughter alternates between our houses every 2 weeks.
My ex is trying to make it out like I'm a massive a**hole in this situation, but I really don't feel like I am. However, in the past I haven't always known when I have been an a**hole so maybe I'm missing something. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. If it meets code you’re fine. If some adverse event is forecasted, deal with it at the time.
And btw, she doesn’t get a say so about how you manage at your house. It’s nice that you listen, but she’s not in charge. Those boys are old enough to be held accountable if they mess up and until then, have your trust. They’re nearly adults.
And it’s actually a perfect way to learn how to live on your own while still having the safety net of your parents nearby if needed.
NTA The boys are 17&15, they’re going to want to keep that privacy that having their own bedrooms gives and they seem to be absolutely ecstatic with this being how they get to keep it while still giving space to their younger half siblings.
If they felt like they were being isolated from the family this would be a different answer. Weather is too adverse to travel a short distance through the yard? Time to have a family sleepover in the main house’s living room. They’re old enough that it’s their opinion that matters not your ex wife's.
NTA, but, if you haven't done it already... Please have the safety talks. Not only sex, but how to use properly an oven (and avoid setting things on fire), how to use the stove, the fire extinguisher, how to properly clean a bathroom (toilets, shower, etc). It will help when they move out on their own.
NTA. Your ex needs to mind her own and realize you aren’t putting your kids in danger. You’re teaching them responsibility in the best way possible while also keeping a close eye on them! I would have been ECSTATIC if I had my own “place” at that age. Kudos to you! NTA in any way.