'AITA for cutting off support to my partner's struggling family if she becomes a SAHM?'
"AITA for cutting support for my Partner's family out of our budget if she becomes a SAHM?"
My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have a son who is 5 months old. Her employer has a very generous maternity leave of 6 months so she still has one more month of full pay remaining before she has to go back.
We are currently dual income and the agreement before having a kid was that we would remain a dual income household and she would go back to work after her leave, and we would put our son in a daycare near our home. My friend's kids go there and it seems to be excellent.
Despite the daycare seemingly being a great fit, my partner is having cold feet about going back to work. She wants to put in her two weeks notice upon return and become a SAHM. I really never wanted this situation because the thought of being a sole earner has always been very stressful to me but she really is wanting this.
Now my partner's family is mostly back in South America and she has been sending them money on a monthly basis for as long as Ive known her. Anywhere from $500-2k a month. While figuring out if we can make things work on just my income, we are putting together a budget.
I have stated that I will agree to her staying home, but I wont be sending her family income from my paycheck every month or at all. I work overtime most weeks and I refuse to work overtime just to send the money out of the country.
If Im not going to benefit from the extra work, Id rather just have more time to relax and be with my son. my partner says this is unfair as her family is very important to her and she's saying Im being as AH about...
it as I should have known that supporting her family would always be part of her life and by having a kid with her I basically signed up for that. AITAH for putting my foot down and refusing to ever send them money if she's not contributing to the household income? AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
comfortablesea98 writes:
NTA - your wife has to make a choice. Either be a SAHM and her family does without support, or go back to work and continuing to support her family. She is flipping the script, she has to make the sacrifice and decide.
hubster writes:
NTA. You two had an agreement. She wants to change the terms of that agreement, which is totally fine & should be an open discussion. However, the reality of the situation is that you can't sacrifice all of your time with your family in order to support her family.
You're not an ATM. You're not there just to provide money. If she wants to send money to her family, that has to fit in a budget. A budget that doesn't require you to work yourself to death.
flobojoe writes:
Wife is trying to have her cake and eat it to. This is not "unfair". If she quits, the couple's income is reduced, so less cash to burn by sending it south. She needs to understand that if she wants to continue sending $$$, she needs to continue working. And, she needs to understand that it's not her responsibility to support them.
OP added in response to some of the comments:
Im not budgeting $200/month or any a month of my paycheck for her parents or any of her relatives but my son. If she works, she can use whatever income she wants after our household expenses and our sons needs to give to her relatives. But its not coming from my paycheck.
I have no interest in ever being married so no prenup will be necessary. She's known since before we ever dated that I have no interest in marriage.
The people at the daycare have education degrees and training for how to take care of young children. My friends with kids there are all doing very well. Im a big believer in sending kids to a good daycare run by trained professionals. This was a conversation we had before agreeing to try for a kid and she was on board with it.