'AITA for not caring about the fact my sister's kid is biologically mine?'
"AITA for not caring about the fact my sister's kid is biologically mine?"
Sad-Pangolin-9
Hello all, this is a throw away, so family and friends don't see this and know it's me. My sister and her wife can't have kids together for obvious reasons, so they asked me to be a 'known sp$rm donor'.
They first brought it up to me years prior jokingly before I was deployed as she lovingly said 'just in case I don't make it back' but like most of the time when my sister has a big ask to make, she just asks and expects an answer right away.
For multiple reasons I said no. The biggest being that a month or so later I was being deployed and didn't have the time to get everything done. She was annoyingly mad for a while but eventually got over it.
Moving on to a little over a year ago, they asked me again and I agreed. My sister and I live in different states from each other, so I had to travel to get a lot of the tests done; the sperm analysis, physical, meeting with lawyers, a genic test and a psychological exam.
Other than a few family members no one really knew what was happening but eventually her wife was inseminated she's currently coming to the end of her pregnancy. When I was told that she's for sure pregnant I went and told a few of my closer friends that my sister and her wife are expecting.
They all asked pretty much the same question, how? After explaining I was met with a bombardment of more questions like won't you feel attached to the kid, what if the kid looks like you, are you going to play a father role and so on and so on.
In my mind that kid is not mine I just played a small role in her creation but other than that she'll just be my niece.
A bit about me, I have no intention of ever having kids of my own. I don't like children especially babies at all. My best friend had a kid almost two years ago when I went to his house, he put his kid in my arms, and I told him to take it back immediately.
I know it's an unpopular opinion but yeah, I just don't like kids. I guess what I'm asking is aitah for not acting as her father figure.
Here were the top comments from readers:
NTA Kid will have two loving parents and a cool, fun uncle to spoil them.
NTA. You gave your sister a chance to have a baby that has both her wife's genetics and some of her own. That's a wonderful and generous gift!
Even if the child looks like you, it's not unusual for a child to resemble am aunt or uncle, given that siblings share genetics! You are not the AH for not feeling any parental attachment to your niece. Wishing your sister and her wife the best for the upcoming birth of their baby girl!
Especially across sexes. My two kids are very much my husband's, but my daughter looks like her aunt (husband's sister) and my son looks like his uncle (my brother). Genetics are weird.
NTA, I’d just make it crystal clear that your sister and SIL should never expect you to play any kind of parenting role EVER. I’ve seen multiple stories about how people agree to donate an egg or sperm, then are expected to play a parental role for the parents convenience.
To be fair to sister and sil, they don't seem to expect that so far. It's OP's friends who are.