Man gets SIL and her two kids dragged away by security at kid's bday party.
When this man feels a bit guilty for going off on his SIL, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for having my SIL and her two kids escorted away by security because she refused to RSVP?'
Last week was our daughter's 16th birthday. We decided to go all out on her party for a variety of reasons. This would include a private tour of a place she's wanted to go to and we rented out a room to have a catered dinner. This should all have been just a smooth ride, Right? Enter my SIL.
My wife and her sister do not get along. They can keep up a causal relationship for the sake of family but that's it. It doesn't help that my experiences with my SIL have been incredibly dramatic. She's quick to play the victim and gaslight. SIL has two daughters who are practically best friends with my daughter. So obviously she wanted to invite them.
One big issue with SIL and her family is that when it comes to coordinating anything with them, they are unreliable on a good day and like trying to communicate with a blind deaf person who does not speak the same language as you on a bad one.
They are never on time, sometimes hours (or in one case a day) late, and will not communicate at all if they are planning to show up. The thing I hate the most is that she will just text you randomly after an event started saying they decided not to come, or show up when they said they said they can't make it.
Because my wife does not get along with her, I told her I would handle it. I sent two emails, and three texts, and had a 20-minute phone call with SIL months ago telling her what we were doing for my daughter's birthday.
Because of what we were planning, we needed to buy tickets for everyone and tell the caterers how many they were serving. I needed an RSVP as soon as humanly possible to organize this stuff. She either needed to be on time or tell me she could not make it. I told her if she ghosts me, there will be no tickets for her and her kids.
She ghosted me. I didn't buy her and her kid's tickets.SIL and her kids showed up (on time somehow) for the event. My wife was livid, so I handled the situation on my own and told my SIL and her kids they need to leave because we did not get tickets for her.
If she wanted to join us for the tour it would cost quite a bit to get new tickets, and the caterers do not allow alterations after a certain amount of time out from the event.
At first, she tried to say she did RSVP with me, and then eventually started to shame me. Our guide called security and in the end, she and her daughters were escorted away.
The event was great, but my SIL's entire family has blown up at me and my wife. The event was 2 hours away from SIL's home and they say it was heartless of me to turn her away after the trip.
Along with this, her daughters have now stopped talking to my daughter. Telling her that I kicked them out of her party. I explained to my daughter the situation and she called me a AH. My wife has told me to ignore her family and that daughter will realize we're not in the wrong.
Let's see what internet users had to say.
helinahandbasket writes:
NTA. You gave her more than enough chances. The one point I would say Y T A on is not explaining to your daughter ahead of time that if her aunt didn’t RSVP, her cousins wouldn’t have a place at the party, and why.
Once doing so, it would be reasonable to only take that RSVP from SIL, herself, and not because ‘daughter said cousin said SIL said’ they would be there.
slenderman8 writes:
Your SIL set you up. She showed up on time for once specifically because she knew you wouldn't have tickets. Now she can punish you over it and she is successful.
Tell your daughter exactly what happened and make it clear that you do not appreciate being called names after the effort you went through for her party. If she wants to still blame you, next time she can deal with them. NTA. Daughter needs consequences.
whackamolewings writes:
NTA for turning SIL away when she hadn’t rsvp’d but where’s the rest of the story? Your daughter is turning 16. Does she not have email, a phone, facebook messenger, any other social media with messaging so that she can contact her cousins who she’s apparently so close to?
I came from a dysfunctional family, and yet back in the early 2000s my cousins and I still stayed in touch by msn when our parents were NC. How hard could it have been for your daughter to contact her cousins and ask them if they’re coming or not?