'WIBTA if I only take my daughter to Paris and take not my stepdaughter as well?'
"WIBTA if I only take my daughter to Paris and take not my stepdaughter as well?"
I(42m) have 3 children from my previous marriage, Olly (17m), Laila (15f), and Sena ( 12m).My current wife (38f) also has three children Keira (21f), Isla (19f), and Makayla (14f).
My wife and I have been officially together for 6 years, and married for 4, but have known each other for 10 years. Keira and Isla have the same father, who is actively involved in their lives. However, Makayla’s father is not at all involved and has actively denied her. Since she was 3 I’ve tried to be a father figure to her. Not sure if I am.
I always take my sons to go fishing on the weekends and do other activities that Laila is not interested in. I also do other things with all of the kids together, but never really a father-daughter day with just Laila.
I do have a weak heart for Laila, I’ve never really told her no. So when she asked if we could have a father-daughter trip to Paris, I of course said yes. I told my wife and she was fine with it. I think Laila told Makayla about the trip to Paris.
Makayla asked if she could also go on the trip with us. Laila said no, It’s just a trip for my dad and me. Makayla then begged if she could also be on the trip, Laila said no and told her to go on a trip with her own father. Makayla was of course upset and went to her room to cry. My wife heard her and went to ask what happened.
Of course, my wife is also upset and wants me to take Makayla on the trip as well. I asked Laila if she was okay with Makayla going with us and she said no absolutely not.
Laila also said that Isla and Keira also go on a trip with their father and no one is upset, as well as her brothers going on a trip with just me and that isn’t a problem. I kind of agree with Laila on that. My wife on the other hand will be very upset if I don’t take Makayla on the trip with us.
I asked my sister for advice and she said that it is unfair to exclude Makayla and that Laila can not always have her way.
That I should take both or not have a trip at all. I’ve also asked my ex-wife what she thought about the situation and she said that our kids should be my first priority and that it’s unfair to Laila.
I’m thinking of only taking Laila to Paris for a father-daughter trip. I’m not sure if that will make me the asshole, but it seems that no matter what I do someone will be upset. AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
agreeablepea1 writes:
YTA. Laila isnt learning this kind of attitude towards her siblings from no where. Makayla only knows one proper father, and his daughter is throwing it in her face that the only dad she knows isnt actually her dad. Go find your own father. Thats cruel. And for OP to not even think of Makayla as his daughter, is just as cruel.
pleasantlyconfused4 writes:
NTA yet.... But I think you need to take a long hard look at what kind of relationship you want with Makayla. I think taking the girls together is out of the picture at this point.
hopefulchipmunk0 writes:
Yta. You say you have tried to be a father figure to maKayla since she was 3. But have you really? Sounds like you are only willing to be a father to her when it’s pleases you and your own daughter.
For Laila to say to makayla to go on a trip with her own father knowing her own father has never been involved is a supremely shitty thing to say. For that alone, she should not be rewarded with a trip to Paris.
You are raising an entitled brat and and quite frankly a very unkind human being if you allow her to get away with treating her stepsister that way. Take both girls or don’t go at all.
[deleted]
NTA. This is not a family vacation, it is a father/daughter trip. If your wife feels like Makayla is left out, she should plan a trip with her. But curious as to why Laila doesn’t want Makayla to go, do they not get along?
No-Sky8671 OP responded:
I think Makayla feels intimidated by Laila. Makayla is very quiet and keeps to herself. Laila is the complete opposite. Very outspoken, Laila will tell what's on her mind, regardless of if it hurts the other's feelings or not. It is something I'm working on with Laila.
Umm based on this comment and the original post, it really sounds like Laila is a bully. Also now knowing how quiet and shy Makayla is think about how much courage it took to express that she would really like to go.
She must really want to go on this trip if she spoke up! I was so shy at that age too so if I did speak up, it meant it was very important to me. She does need to work on learning to accept hearing no but today is definitely not the day for that. And it sounds like Laila needs to be hearing the word no a lot more, but I digress.