Man lets brother & family stay in home after major flood. EXCLUDES his niece. AITA?
When this uncle refuses to let his niece stay with him after a flood, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for letting my brother and family stay with me after a flooding but not my niece?"
I (37M) have been married to my husband (41M) for 4 years. I came out my family as bi when I was 16 and from the very beginning, they were nothing but supportive and to this day, almost my entire family accepts me as who I am.
My niece (20F) is the only exception. She is my brother‘s (43M) daughter and despite her parents showing no prejudices against the LGBTQ+ community, she doesn’t make a secret of her homophobia.
I don‘t know where her believes stem from but the day I first introduced my husband/ then boyfriend to her family, she has been very hostile towards us (she was 14 at the time).
She refuses to speak to my husband, barely acknowledges us at family gatherings and despite her father constantly chastising her, frequently uses the f-slur to refer to members of the LGBTQ+ community and calls same-se% relationships disgusting.
Due to a severe flooding, my brother and his family have been forced to evacuate their house. My husband and I have a guest room and a sofa bed in our living room so when my brother asked we whether his family could stay at our place for a while...
I told him that him, his wife and their younger children (15F, 12M) were very welcome to stay as long as they needed to, but that we weren’t comfortable letting his oldest daughter stay with us.
He seemed to have been expecting that answer and told me that he understood my reasons. When he broke the news to his daughter, she was furious, asking where else she was going to stay and that she had nowhere else to go.
From what I know, my brother offered to help her pay for a cheap hotel, but see doesn’t want to dip into her savings because she doesn’t work and she‘s been living with my brother rent free.
Apparently, she‘s been staying with a friend for a few days now and she‘s been telling her mother how awful it is there. My brother is still supporting my decision, but his wife has started trying to convince me to let her eldest daughter move in.
She‘s been pushing me to get over her comments because my niece is still "young and naïve" and that she couldn’t have known her actions would have major consequences.
She‘s advising me to be the bigger person and not let my "hard feelings" for her daughter stop my from helping a family member, because that would be an "AH thing to do".
Let's see what readers thought.
hazegraze writes:
NTA, she's living with the consequences of her horribleness by having to stay somewhere she doesn't like because she couldn't keep her mouth shut about her disgusting views on same sex relationships.
If I were you I'd say that you're happy to let her stay as soon as she genuinely and honestly proves she no longer feels that way towards you and your husband.
I would never let someone who disrespected me and my husband stay with us, family or not, unless they were literally about to be on the streets (which she isn't) and even then it would be the very very last option.
creepyoldguy6 writes:
NTA. If she had any integrity at all she would refuse to stay with you. Her beliefs are hers and she has every right to have them, but she can’t expect people she has been so vocal in despising to allow her and her poison into their lives.
elanasowers writes:
NTA. You're not wrong for setting boundaries and considering your own comfort and well-being, especially when dealing with someone who has consistently shown hostility and intolerance towards you and your husband.
It's understandable that you wouldn't want to provide a safe haven for someone who has been openly homophobic and disrespectful. It's important for your own mental and emotional well-being to maintain those boundaries.
Your decision seems reasonable, and you have the right to prioritize your own peace of mind in this situation.