Man's MIL devastated after overhearing him talking trash about her at Thanksgiving. AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with her MIL, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for my MIL leaving thanksgiving because of what she overheard?"
My MiL just recently moved into my home with my partner. It’s been a bit of struggle with regards to control. We have had huge issues because she moved my stuff or puts stuff places I don’t want it to be.
She feels she has a right to put her stuff wherever even if we don’t have the space and that thing already has a spot. Also, she treats me like the bad guy when disciplining the kids but not my partner (the kids are our nephews and one we raise and one she has been raising).
When we all had a hard conversation she did a lot of deflecting and half the time cut people off to discuss her own feelings. after the talk I felt we were at a place of understanding.
I have BPD and am very open about that and my feelings so instead of blowing up sometimes I just don’t speak to anyone and keep to myself. Today I was frustrated because my laundry soap dispenser was moved upside down (no idea why) and the MIl had moved some of my dishes around to other places in the cabinet.
She does dishes and the kids laundry as well as the towels. The towels had been shoved in random spots in the closet they live in. (She has been doing the laundry and leaving it on the table for someone else to put away).
I was already annoyed because my partner has the same negative things her mom does and she was doing something that got under my skin.
I told my gf how I was feeling when on the porch and how I felt she was like her mom in the fact she can’t communicate and that she is selfish. Not sure how but my MIl heard and decided to take the kid she’s in charge of and leave a day early for her sisters house.
I don’t ever want to go to any families house because my MiL likes to “vent” to anyone who will listen so I don’t want to be around people who have heard trash talk about me. This may be my own thing bc of the BPD but still it’s very real to me. I’ve also overheard my MiL talking trash about me before and have never had any apology.
I was defending someone she was talking bad about just saying it was due to mental health and she told someone she couldn’t stand me. They told me. I know I should feel bad but I don’t and am not sure if I’m the AH.
Let's see what readers thought.
texasfordfo writes:
ESH. Not for your feelings or that MIL eves-dropped. but how you communicated them. You have every right to feel how you do. I would be pissy if my MIL did the same things despite numerous conversations.
However, when communicating with your partner, especially about something that bothers you. Going the route of comparing them to their mother and in an extremely negative way is the exact opposite of productive.
You may be absolutely right, but that’s not how you say it at all. I know my mother has flaws, and I have similar flaws, but if my husband ever said it in that way to me, I would immediately shut down. While your MIL also sucks, I don’t fully blame her for reacting that way once she did overhear.
fragranteconomist writes:
NTA. Whenever an inlaw is given room in your home, you should make sure that this is exactly what happens. This inlaw is not supposed to move in and just willy-nilly change the way the house is run. You should stand up for yourself whenever this happens, and your partner should be supporting you.
Otherwise your relationship is doomed. I think your MIL leaving early because of what she overheard is an early Christmas present to you. You are allowed to have a private conversation with your partner.
If MIL chooses to listen in, it is on hear if she hears something she doesn't like. All in all I think you and your partner may have to reconsider re having MIL living in the house. It doesn't sound harmoneus or if it is a good situation to be raising your kids in.
nohour writes:
But you trash talked her?? If you don't like people hearing trash talk about you then don't trash talk others. YTA.