'AITA for refusing to let my fiance's daughter's boyfriend move into my home?'
"AITA for refusing to let my fiance's daughter's boyfriend move into my home?"
My (42yo) fiance (37yo) wants her daughter (18yo in high school) to move back home, home being my house. My fiance had personal issues for the last 8 years and lost custody of her daughter at the beginning of those issues before I met her.
For the past 5 years, she/we have worked really hard to get her back on track and now doing very well.
So well in fact that her daughter who was about to turn 18 at the time decided it was the right time to come live with mom, at my house. Well that lasted all of a month when her daughter decided she was old enough to make her own decisions.
Decided to move out and in with her boyfriend (20yo) despite the pleas of her mom. Was an absolute mess. Hateful and horrible things were said. Just bad. She moved into where her boyfriend lives and without saying too much, it's not a good place and some sketchy stuff goes on there.
But as daughter said at the time, she's 18 and an adult. We can't stop her. Fast forward 4 months. Daughter and boyfriend don't like where they live. Mom now wants her daughter to come back home but she wants her to be able to bring her boyfriend too.
She won't come home without her boyfriend mom says. I say no. Daughter can come home but she's not bringing her boyfriend. Absolutely no. I dont agree with the situation at all. Daughter is still in high school, has no business moving in with a guy, and has made her own decision. I'm not going to be a part of it or support it. Daughter, yes.
Boyfriend, no. Not that it matters, but it's my home. I pay every bill. I ask for no support. I get no financial help from my fiance, but I give support. Not that it matters, I'd still say no to the boyfriend.
Even if she were my own blood daughter. This decision seems like the dealbreaker between me and my fiance. She says we should help them out for a few months, help them get started. I still say no.
I'm not the cause nor the answer to the situation. By denying daughter's boyfriend to live at my house, she will not come home. Mom thinks I'm an asshole who could have helped them get out of a bad situation and got her daughter home. Now I'm questioning AITA.
Let's see what readers had to say:
Mom found a meal ticket and thinks she can include others. Does she work or have any income?
Yenvancy OP responded:
Yes she got a job not long ago and is starting to do well again. I'm very proud of her actually in what she's accomplished, but all her income is for her own needs. I pay for my house, all the bills, all groceries, and help her out with some of my income.
kittygatgochat writes:
NTA. If it’s a dealbreaker you should let that be that. You are supporting your fiancé. You are offering to extend that support to her daughter. But you do not need to support a stranger and that goes beyond what a partner should ask for in a healthy relationship.
I would sit your fiancé down and let her know that the way she is trying to force this has made you rethink your role in their relationship and where she places your needs, comfort and happiness on a list of priorities and that she should start looking for somewhere else to live with her daughter and this young man since he is in her higher priorities.
If nothing else, I’d absolutely end the engagement and let her know that you aren’t ready for that level of commitment if these are her expectations.
arguablytired writes:
NTA. You're right to offer her daughter a safe space to escape to whenever she needs it. But you absolutely do not have to accept a stranger in to your house, especially if you have reason not to trust them.
If you dont know, or trust this guy, its absolutely ok for you to voice your concerns and put your foot down. Your partner should support you in this and should be telling her daughter that she has a safe space but her boyfriend will have to find his own way.
fatcrankoldhag writes:
NTA! Don't do this. Your house. Your rules. You might want to rethink marrying this woman unless you want to watch her enable her daughters crap decisions. If 18 is old enough to move out of the house to PLAY house with a 20 year old BF, then it's old enough to learn that decisions have consequences.
Also, I'll bet good money that this girl gets knocked up and the 20 year old leaves without a trace. Then you will be badgered to let her live in your house while her mother takes care of the spawn.
You'll never have a moments peace from that moment on. Yes, I have painted a bleak and worst case scenario but you should consider all possibilities.