Man sleeps a few hours before getting stepdaughter from police station; wife is upset.

No matter how much you agree on, if you're parenting with a partner - there are going to be times you have a different sense of urgency about your kids. While one parent might be up-in-arms over a situation, the other might feel far more calm and collected. Not feeling like you're on the same page can be really hard, even if from a macro perspective you still are.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for wanting to sleep a few hours before bailing his stepdaughter out of jail. He wrote:

"AITA for not immediately driving to bail my stepdaughter out of j@il?"

My wife (40F) has a 19-year-old daughter (Meg) that is starting her second year of college. Meg attends a state school that is about a 4-hour drive from where we live. She started classes about 2 weeks ago. Meg has taken out loans to pay for her college and lives on campus so she has no rent and has access to food on campus.

She worked all summer so she has a fair amount of her own money, but we still provide her with $100/month to help her out. This past weekend, my wife got a call from Meg at 3AM. Every parents' worst nightmare because no call at that time is good news. Thankfully, Meg was OK, but she had gotten arr*sted. Apparently, she had been at a party with friends and gotten drunk.

She walked home with a group, but split off with a couple other friends at some point. This smaller group walked up to what they thought was one of their houses, but it wasn't. The people who lived there did not appreciate the doorbell ringing at 2AM and called the p0lice instead of opening the door. When the c0ps showed up, Meg and the others ran. Meg got caught and arrested.

She called us from j@il and wanted us to come bail her out. My wife practically jumped out of bed and started to get ready. I asked her WTF she was doing and she said we have to go get Meg right now. I told her it's 3AM and a 4-hour drive, if I'm going to be driving that far I need to get some more sleep first. My wife ripped the blankets off the bed and told me we need to leave "NOW!"

I got up and reminded her that there are two other kids in the house (Stepson 16 and our son 9) that we need to talk to before we leave and I don't want to wake them up at 4AM to tell them we're leaving. I also reminded her that due to her astigmatism, I'm guessing she wants me to drive since it's dark out. I told her she either lets me sleep until at least 7AM, or she leaves now and drives herself.

I told her that Meg is safe even though she's probably scared and uncomfortable but that maybe she needs to feel that way right now. She tried to argue with me but I told her that I am not going to fight about this so she either leaves now or lets me sleep. Thankfully, she let me get some sleep but woke me up right at 7AM and told me to get in the car.

She apparently hadn't slept and had already told the other kids what happened and that we have to leave but would be back later that day. The entire drive my wife made comments about how scared Meg must be and how we should have left earlier, etc. I kept trying to tell her that Meg will be fine even if she's a little shaken up by this.

Then, my wife told me that if this was my son instead of Meg, I would have jumped out of bed just like she did. That pissed me off because I would be doing the same for my son that I'm doing for Meg. You get arrested at 3AM and want us to bail you out, you're waiting until I'm damn well ready to come get you. But my wife thinks that me sleeping instead of leaving right away was an AH move.

The comment section was lively.

HeirOfRavenclaw wrote:

NTA. Actions have consequences and stepdaughter is learning that now. You did the right thing.

ed_lv wrote:

NTA. Staying a couple extra hours in jail while she sobers up might be a good wake-up call for her, and it might prevent future instances of getting drunk and doing stupid things.

Particular-Lime1651 wrote:

NTA! She is 19, old enough to know better. If you're going to drink underage, you need to be light on your feet. She will be fine in custody. She'll just feel like a sausage. Which she is, because she called you at 3am arrested. Molly coddling her will do absolutely nothing positive for her. Life isn't fair, it doesn't play to rules, and mummy can't always make it better.

And OP responded:

"If you're going to drink underage, you need to be light on your feet." I've never personally ran from the police, but I know enough that the outfit and shoes Meg was wearing when we picked her up were not conducive to high-level athletics.

notanaccounttofollow had a big question:

Where do you live where an accidental house and doorbell ringing ends in jail and bail? And why’d they run if they weren’t doing anything wrong?

OP wrote:

We live in the Midwest US. I talked with the police when we were picking Meg up. The house they walked up to was an elderly couple who thought their house was being broken into because of the banging on the door. Not sure that any burglars ring the doorbell too, but that's beside the point.

Meg ran because she's underage and drunk and panicked. Police tend to arrest people who run from them while performing what the police thought was breaking and entering. Thankfully, they only charged Meg with drinking underage and disorderly conduct. They could have charged her with much more and if we want to fight the disorderly conduct we probably can.

PsionicOverlord wrote:

Wanting to drive on enough sleep isn't "being an AH." You are also correct with regards to her needing to experience discomfort - that is the consequence of her own decision.

The your wife believes "not being scared" is more important than "experiencing the consequences of criminal activity" is unfortunate - it's a much deeper act of love to want your child to learn from their mistakes than it is to shield them from their mistakes.

Clearly, the internet is on OP's side.