Man tells SIL to get over her miscarriages and support his pregnant wife. AITA?
When this man is upset with his SIL, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my sister in law to stop being bitter about my wife's successful pregnancy after she (SIL) had multiple miscarriages?"
I (m26) am married to my wife (f24), my older brother (m30) is also married to SIL (f28 or 29). My brother has been married for longer than my wife and I, him and my SIL got pregnant quite a few times, but she lost her pregnancy every time. They keep trying but either in the first or second trimester she miscarries.
My wife and I got married last year, she got pregnant a few months after the wedding and we welcomed our baby a little over a month ago. We celebrated Christmas with her family, and new year's eve with mine.
We had Christmas dinner with a lot of extended family who hadn't met the baby yet, so they were all quite excited for it. My aunts/ cousins and grandmothers were all over my wife and our baby, asking how she was, how the delivery had been, how she was managing the baby's feeding and all kinds of stuff, which I think is all normal, right?
The problem is that my SIL was very noticeably bitter, my brother was too (it's not the first time they act like this ever since my wife and I found out about her pregnancy). At some point, my SIL said that she was "sick of the baby talk" which rubbed me the wrong way.
I told her that she could go home and have chicken nuggets all by herself if she didn't like being surrounded by other happy people. She and my brother said that it was kind of insensitive to be talking only about that when everyone knows about their issues to have a child.
I told them that it's not my wife's fault that she was able to have a successful pregnancy and to stop being bitter about it. That started a big argument and my brother and his wife ended up leaving.
It's been a couple weeks now, and I'm still receiving some texts from family who are "deeply worried" about my SIL and brother after I treated them badly.
I don't think I treated them badly, it's not my wife's fault that she can successfully carry a baby to term, it's not anyone's fault that a new baby in the family is something to talk about. Some people think I was insensitive, so I want to know your opinion, please.
Extra context: this is not the first time my SIL says stuff like these to us. She has done similar stuff in my wife's baby shower, gender reveal party, even her birthday and other family gatherings/ other occasions.
She has done unnecessary comments and telling my wife to "tone it down" while opening gifts for the baby at the baby shower (my wife was obviously excited, SIL thought that she was "overly excited").
And we had to end the gender reveal party early because she won't stop crying, we suggested my brother and her to leave and that we wouldn't be upset over it (I suggested to drive them if they wanted to) and they didn't want to. She wanted to stay and cry in front of everyone else. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
searhubab writes:
I have to go with YTA. You could have been a lot more sensitive to their loss and hurt. You chose to be an AH and just basically rub their faces in it. I sincerely hope you and your wife never have to experience the loss of a child, but if you do. Then you'll get it. Right now, you're just selfish.
mission09 writes:
Totally agree here. Like the actions she displayed at the baby shower. Why would she even attend the baby shower, that's putting yourself in an uncomfortable position and then making it all about herself crying and not going home. She wanted to stay and get the attention.
Yes, she has had a great loss and more than one from OP's description. But at the same time, don't take it out on others. It is a terrible thing but don't bring an entire group of people down, that basically were celebrating a life born. OP....NTA.
badcompany1 writes:
I hate this comment and how its upvoted so much. You are responsible for your triggers and grief, and if you know you're going to a family outing where there is a new baby you should go well prepared or not go at all. NTA.