Man tells wife to 'drop it' after daughter from past marriage files restraining order.

It's painful and difficult to acknowledge when it's time to throw in the towel on a family relationship.

But sometimes, the writing on the wall is so bold and obvious your only choices are delusion or acceptance.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for telling his wife to cut her losses with one of her daughters.

He wrote:

AITA for telling my wife to cut her losses and focus on our family?

My wife and I have 4 kids. She has Noah (12) and Ellie (9) from a previous relationship and we have Rose (4) and Jackson (9 months) together. A couple of things important to mention is that my wife has another kid, Ava (14), also with her ex, that lives with her sister, and that her ex moved back to his home country after the divorce and has nothing to do with the kids.

Shortly after the divorce (4 years ago), Ava and my wife got into an argument. Ava blamed her mom for her dad leaving and it got pretty heated. In the heat of the moment, my wife destroyed what could be described as Ava's comfort item and told Ava to get the f**k out of her house.

Ava ran out of the house, the police and CPS got involved, and Ava was put in foster care, then went to live with my wife's sister once she got a big enough place. My wife was ordered to go to anger management, therapy, and parenting classes. Ava was brought back to us 3 times but every time she was brought back she'd run away or raise hell until she got to stay with her aunt.

My wife's sister got full custody because of that. My wife has been trying to fix her relationship with Ava since the incident. She'd beg her sister to let her visit, sent toys to her sister's apartment, sent letters, called and texted repeatedly but Ava never answered.

They moved out of state 2 years ago and just before the move, Ava reached out to my wife just to tell her that she wants nothing to do with her and to leave her alone. My wife honored her request until recently when she was going to be in their city for work. she reached out to both her sister and Ava but got no response.

She went to Ava's school to try to speak with her, which turned into a big issue and Ava and my wife's sister ended up getting a restraining order on my wife preventing her from contacting them or going near them. She's been so upset since then, which is understandable, Ava and her aunt should've been more understanding towards my wife.

I couldn't see her like that so I told her it's time to cut her losses and focus on her family now. She listened to my advice but her family, who have been pressuring her to try to fix the relationship, is calling her a bad mom and accusing her of abandoning Ava.

They got a f**king restraining order so I don't know what they expect her to do but now she's upset over it again so I wanted to know if I was the a**hole for my advice.

The generous people of the internet shared their opinions.

bsharp1982 wrote:

INFO: to clarify, your wife told Ava, when Ava was 10, to get the f**k out and destroyed Ava’s things?

Edit: with that new information; yta your wife is a super a**hole, and I hope your other kids will be okay. I hope Ava and her aunt have a great life without you two in it.

No_Recognition735 wrote:

'Ava and her aunt should've been more understanding towards my wife.'

YTA for that line. And for having a 4 year old child with a woman that was only divorced 4 years ago.

Massive-Antelope-856 wrote:

Both you and your wife suck. The opening lines are enough when you say you and your wife between you have four children then go straight on to describe five children (or four plus the f**king one we don't want). No wonder the kid is messed up being a literal outcast from her siblings at a young age and clearly not wanted by her mother.

Is it any wonder she's decided she's actually better off without? You also suck in this because you seem all too happy to tell her to 'cut her losses' and get the problem out of your hair as if you just chalk it up to experience.

Rather than telling her that what she's doing is illegal, that Ava is better off in care just now and it's time to let it go, if she wants to come back she will, you're like 'yep, close the door, there's another four to fall back on'. Your wife has f**ked up irreparably here with her daughter and you appear to be pretty content about that.

Bitter-Fact wrote:

'My wife has another kid.' Nice phrasing. You're also not supposed to 'cut your losses' when it comes to your kids. Very cold-hearted. Obviously, your wife messed this kid up to the point she lost custody. She should go to therapy to help with her issues. Who's to say she won't do the same s**t to the others? I'm glad this kid has her aunt who wants her and loves her. Leave her alone.

Get help. She scarred this kid for life, and surely traumatized the others too. Seeing their crazy mother treat their sibling so cruelly.

rockysrc wrote:

You are leaving out a lot of key information. Your wife got divorced 4 years back and you have a 4-year-old kid. That sounds like you were having a full-blown affair with a married woman and got her pregnant. Ava has every right to be pissed off at your affair then.

Also, CPS and police getting involved for just running away and putting her directly in a foster home. Doesn't add up. They are more things that your wife did to her that you are not putting in the post.

Rarely is it so clear that OP, and in this case his wife, are hugely TAs.