Man takes in disowned nephew; his adult children are angry with him. AITA?
"AITA for having my nephew move in with me after he was disowned? My kids are angry with me?"
I (M50's) have two kids, Jamie (M24) and Mia (F22), their mother being my ex wife, Sarah, (F50's). Our marriage fell apart when Mia was still in diapers. Sarah was having an affair with my younger brother and she became pregnant with my nephew, Caleb (M20).
Sarah and my brother ended up getting together, although eventually my brother abandoned them and packed his bags and moved to another state when Caleb was around 2 and to this day never sees his son.
We had shared custody of Jamie and Mia but they gradually chose to spend more and more time at my home when they became teenagers, as they felt that their mom liked Caleb better than them.
Since lockdown, Sarah has changed a lot as a person. She "rededicated her life to Christ" and joined a very cult-like online church.
Recently, someone from his college outed Caleb as gay and Sarah has disowned him as her son, and ever so graciously gave him a week to get out of her house (sarcasm of course).
I reached out to Caleb and told him that he is welcome to stay with me for free so that he can finish college, there's no way I could watch a family member become homeless without trying to help them.
After some talking things out he moved in, and I had him take Jamie's old bedroom. My kids haven't lived at home in a while now so I have the space, and it's actually quite nice to have Caleb's company.
The problem is that Jamie and Mia are both extremely upset with me for letting Caleb move in, considering their history with him and Sarah showing him favoritism.
They say that there are other family members who could've taken him in (my parents offered but they do live in another country) and that I should've asked them beforehand to consider their feelings.
Jamie now even refuses to let me see my infant granddaughter until I get Caleb to leave. If I am an asshole, how can I make this right? AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
saltedfish writes:
Lemme get this straight. Your adult children have moved out, and yet they think they can tell you who you can move in? The minute they grew up and moved out, they relinquished any kind of say in the household -- what little they ever had.
And the favoritism they're whining about (a) isn't Caleb's fault and (b) obviously wasn't enough to protect Caleb from his homophobic mother.
You're not just saving a family member from the streets, you're providing shelter for a young gay man who otherwise would be far worse off. I'd be really disappointed in my kids if they did this. NTA.
photomama16 writes:
NTA- As a mom, and as a Christian, I cannot fathom HOW a parent can turn their back on their children for being gay. It boggles my mind. I couldn’t turn my back on my child. I’m glad you are giving Caleb a place to stay and keeping him from being on the streets. Your children’s anger is misplaced. They shouldn’t be taking this out on Caleb.
iexG writes:
Soft Yta, it seems like you didn’t even consider your children when you made these decisions which is why they are so upset. Caleb has other options so you could have talked to them knowing the childhood issues they faced with Caleb.
You also gave away Jamie’s childhood room. Feelings don’t always makes sense so logically you had the space but I can still see why your kids are upset.