Man won't let stepdad 'babysit' full-time; ex-wife says, 'you pay for childcare then.'

Coparenting after a divorce requires a lot of communication and compromise. Just when you've hit a flow with splitting responsibilities and gaining a united front on what the kids need, one factor can shift and bring you back to square one.

Finding good childcare options that are still affordable is challenging. It's crucial your kids feel comfortable and understood, but also, you have to be able to afford to keep some consistency. This is one of the many areas where coparenting with an ex can get extra contentious.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a dad asked if he's wrong for refusing to pay 100% of the babysitting costs after turning down an offer for free childcare.

He wrote:

AITA for refusing to pay 100% of babysitting costs and declining stepdad's offers to babysit?

I share custody of three boys - 13, 9 and 7 with my ex wife. We've been separated for almost 5 years. During that time we used a sitter for the two oldest boys and now for the middle and youngest boys. Our sitter is very much like a member of our family and my 9yo is very attached to him.

Unfortunately our sitter is ready to move on and agreed to stay until the end of this summer. My ex remarried a few years ago to 'Chris' and they have no kids together but he has an 18-year-old son. Chris offered to become the sitter since he can WFH full time and misses being a hands-on dad. No, he wouldn't get paid. I said no, I'm good. He was pretty upset and asked why.

I simply said that he's not a neutral party and I don't think you'd connect with the boys like our current sitter has. Plus I don't think he has the patience. I can't see him having a sense of humor when the 13-year-old pops an attitude or when the 9-year-old refuses to shower or when the 7-year-old whines. I said worse comes to worse, I'll take care of it myself by changing my work schedule so I can WFH FT.

He asked me what was up with my attitude and I said I was being blunt. Things have gone well for the last five years and I want to make sure it still does. My ex is angry at me and is complaining about the money that has to be spent on a sitter. She said that I should be paying 100% of the babysitter costs if we end up needing one since I turned down an opportunity for a free sitter.

People had a lot of hot takes on this one.

VictorianPlatypus wrote:

YTA. If you're hell-bent on not letting their stepdad be the babysitting (which, barring a pressing reason, honestly sounds like you resent the idea of your kids bonding with their stepdad), then you need to pony up the cash since you're the one vetoing the free option.

ToastingRobot wrote:

As a stepdad named Chris who does a bang-up job caring for my wife's kids, YTA.

midara_mind wrote:

YTA. This man is their stepdad. You may not like him personally, but it sounds like there's no particular reason you wouldn't trust him with the kids. And since you're sharing custody, he's already a part of their family and their lives. I get wishing you could keep him at arm's length. but that ship sailed when he married your ex.

And as long as he's a decent person, your kids are not going to suffer for having another adult who loves and cares about them in their lives. If you insist on being this rigid, then yeah, you should foot the bill. But it would be in everyone's best interest to let this blended family actually blend.

Few-School-3869 wrote:

YTA. I'm kind of surprised they even asked, since it's her husband of a few years. If he works from home, he'd watch the boys during mom's days, and that's kind of that. You can figure out your own arrangements for them when they're on your days with you?

Ok_Job_9417 wrote:

YTA - you should 100% pay for sitter costs on your time. They can figure out a sitter on their time. Even if that means stepdad WFH to watch them. You haven’t given any examples of them being a bad person or overstepping boundaries.

OP is definitely TA by being so stubborn without offering any good alternatives. Especially since it's a green flag that Chris wants to be actively involved.