MIL humiliated by DIL's past behavior in public; uninvites her from 50th birthday. AITA?
When this MIL is appalled by her DIL's behavior, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not inviting my DIL to my birthday dinner since she can’t behave and dances when food gets to the table?"
All of my kids are married and I have issues with one DIL, I’m going to call her Paige. Paige and I have never gotten along and I avoid her at this point. My main annoyance is she is extremely childish, this has affect more of the family then just me.
She went to a wedding (my daughters) in jeans and I had to grab her before going in and telling her outfit isn’t correct life the occasion.
I have seen her get a pouty face before, doesn’t help my son finds it cute, it’s a quirk he likes about her. I have talked to him about it and her when she was bending inappropriate.
My breaking point was when at restaurants and she does a happy dance in her seat if the food is good. She did it after we got food when my husband was in the hospital. I snapped and told her to grow up and this is a serious issue we are dealing with but she is dancing over Olive Garden. I was told to apologize at the time but refused.
So we are not close, I have my 50th birthday and I am going out to fancy restaurants. I didn’t invite her since I can not deal with her being immature in public.
So no invite and my son called me up asking when the dinner was. I informed him, I am not inviting Paige since she is immature . This started an argument and they both think I am huge jerk.
owlscardinals writes:
YTA based on the obviously curmudgeonly attitude you have towards your DIL. You seem easily (and overly) incensed by things that she's doing that are pretty harmless.
Why do you care so much if she makes a pouty face at your son, who encourages / likes it? Why would you bring it on yourself to remark on ANYONE's choice of attire at an event? Why are you so insistent on seeing the 'happy dance' (which is hard for me to picture, admittedly) as disrespectful?
You have big feelings over small issues and you come across as hateful. Excluding them (or your DIL alone) from a family event just because it's a chance for you to point it out to her (again) that you dislike minor things in how she holds herself is mean, unnecessary, spiteful, and childish of you.
eyesonna writes:
NTA. Your birthday, your guest list. Just be prepared for your son not to attend in defense of his wife. He must like her childishness, but I agree that it would be completely inappropriate in a formal dining scenario.
I emphasize again, this is your choice. But be prepared for fallout with your son. Maybe elect to do something else with your son and Paige.
I don’t know exactly what would be something that would work for you to find her behavior acceptable but think about what you can offer to still keep things decent with your son. Good luck. Not everyone will think you are in the right here.
fragranteconomics writes:
YTA unless she actually leaps up and does a dance with her feet on the seat of the chair. What is wrong with someone appreciating their food? You must have a very jaded outlook on humanity if you can't accept that.
Then on the other hand, I am sure she will not enjoy a party with someone as uptight as you. I seriously think you should have the broom handle removed from you-know-where!
pw1408 writes:
I wish to nicely say YTA, because I get it. Some people do not behave appropriately for the situation. The thing is 1: you have a better opportunity to influence for change if you have a good relationship. 2: maybe consider that your standards aren't hers.
Since she is an adult (and most importantly the woman your son chose to marry), accept the fact that it is not your responsibility to control or correct her behavior. If it is inappropriate, it will be made clear by her spouse or peers etc. Some things are better left to others. If you love your son, apologize and loosen up.