Woman refuses to visit half siblings on Christmas, father calls her 'evil.'
When this woman is conflicted about visiting her family, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for telling my half siblings I won't come home for Christmas?'
I (18f) moved out of my father's house a few months ago. I then cut my father off. I currently live with my sister (27f) and will be spending Christmas with her and my brother (26m). My siblings and I are full siblings but they haven't had anything to do with our father in a long time.
They cut him off while our mom was still alive and they were older. I had to keep going. Then mom died and I was sent to live with him. My siblings were still young but my sister and brother stuck together to get through. They stayed in touch with me while I was with my father.
My father got married to someone while I was living with him and he had two kids with her. My half siblings are 6 and 5. They adore me though I never bonded with them very well.
They used to love trying to spend time with me when I lived there. I have not made an effort to see them since moving out because I don't want the contact with my father (or his wife). But she will let them call me using her phone.
They asked me to come for Christmas. They were saying how they miss me and want to spend time with me and how they wanted to give me gifts.
I told them clearly, but also making sure I was kind, that I wouldn't be coming home for Christmas or at all. They cried and told me they missed me and that I would be alone. I told them I would be with my brother and sister. That upset them even more.
Afterward my father called me using another number and told me I was evil for crushing the kids like that and he started to say other stuff but I ended the call and blocked the number.
They did call me a few days later and begged me but I kept my no. This led to them asking why I didn't love them enough to see them for Christmas. I feel bad even though I don't feel close to them or even consider them my true siblings.
They are kids and I know my father isn't a great person and his wife isn't great either...AITA?
Let's find out.
flakyad124 writes:
NTA.Kids that age rarely initiate that kind of request or badgering about it. Their parents are likely fueling their demands. It's about control by their parents.
Their feelings are not your responsibility. An adult sibling not attending a holiday event with relatives is hardly unusual.
teresajas writes:
Kids those ages don't use that kind of phrasing without adult prompting. Either Dad and Stepmom want to assert control and/or Dad and Stepmom have plans and want a free sitter.
OP, your Dad has proven that he'll use your siblings to manipulate you. Block all of their numbers.
hopebythroat writes:
NTA. I had to do the same thing to my half-siblings last year and it was not fun for any of us.
I feel for the children, of course, because they are not to blame for the awkward situation so it is a shame that they are upset, but I don’t see any justifiable reason why you should subject yourself to an unhealthy environment for them.
You could keep caving and going back to see them, but that’s really only delaying the inevitable and prolonging the hurt.
However - and this depends on more variables than you’ve shared - if your father and stepmother are really problematic, chances are the kids will realise this as they’re older and want out just like you did, and it may be good to try to maintain some relationship with them, if you can bear it, so they have outside support if they ever also want to leave.
Also, while I don’t think this should be your responsibility, I fear for the resentment that may build because of their sister effectively abandoning them. (I say this with the utmost sympathy, of course, but I imagine that’s basically how they view it.) Just food for thought.