Mom asks how to handle 'remorseless' 15yo who fed sisters food they can't eat. UPDATED
"AITA for telling my son I can’t trust him?"
I have 3 kids. A 15 year old son and 8 year old twin daughters. They all get along well and my son loves his sisters and vice versa. Sometimes my husband and I have to go to certain events and I ask my son if he can watch his sisters for the night. He usually says yes unless he has plans (I just ask my mom then).
So on Friday night we had an event to go to and I again asked my son if he’d be willing to babysit. He said sure and that was it. We came back at around midnight and I went to check on the kids and my son was fast asleep, while one of the twins was puking her guts out, and the other one was crying
I was surprised, but I also didn’t really blame my son in any way. They weren’t really making any noise and were clearly asleep before all hell broke loose.
Well I manage to calm my girls down and they end up telling me how their big brother was really mean and grumpy all day, and when they asked for food he gave them a jar of peanut butter. The twins cannot have peanut butter (they aren’t allergic, but it makes them ill). The girls know as well but they were hungry and he said they HAD to eat it.
My son knows this and the peanut butter is kept out of the twins sight and reach and is literally only in the house for him.
I woke him up the next morning and asked him if all this was true. He just made a noise and was all like “the little snitches... yeah so they had a little peanut butter what’s the big deal?” I told him that he knows they can’t have it, and not only that, but I also don’t like how they described his attitude. Especially when he told them they had to eat it.
He just told me to stop overthinking things. He said he forgot peanut butter makes them that sick, and he only said they had to eat it because he didn’t want them going hungry, and he didn’t feel like ordering food, cooking, or warming up leftovers either, and also the twins were being annoying.
I told him that these excuses are not good enough and that what he did was honestly kind of cruel. I told him that I don’t know if I can trust him with the girls anymore as well.
He just rolled his eyes and told me that I’m being really f**king dramatic and that the twins will be fine, and that I don’t need to act like this. He’s really upset with me and every time his dad or I say anything, he’ll just reply with “oh I thought I was cruel? I thought you couldn’t trust me?”
He’s not budging, and he’s not normally like this so I’m wondering AITA? My sister told me to post on here since I’m so conflicted. Didn’t think it would hurt.
Questions, comments and answers:
BeneficialDark1662 says:
YTA. You’re asking your son to babysit 4 to 6 times a month (and he agrees 2 to 3 times a month). That’s a lot of babysitting requests - at least once a week. You don’t pay him.
You said in a comment that you “could have been clearer” about dinner instructions. You didn’t have alternatives like bread or cheese etc to make a sandwich. You don’t seem to have given him money to order food.
I get the feeling that there’s more to this story - or that your son is sick of being taken for granted. Is he the twins full sibling? Are you treating him as lesser than the twins? Why don’t you pay for a regular babysitter?
tthrowaway16__ OP responded:
That’s fair. I don’t pay him because he gets a crazy high amount of allowance every week. I told him there were leftovers and that he could order take out if they want. There was also fruit, junk food etc and I would’ve never thought this would’ve happened.
I don’t know how to tell you this but money isn’t the issue here, he has access to my card if he wants something and has his own money too. He is their full sibling, I don’t treat him lesser than and I don’t hire a full time babysitter because I don’t see the need when it’s for a couple hours maybe twice a month.
Karate-Chop-SR says:
NTA If this had been someone other than your son, I'd be calling it abuse and assault. Certainly negligent. He is clearly unreliable and I'd be very upset. The fact you let your son talk to you in such a manner is alarming as well.
tthrowaway16__ OP responded:
I’m not sure about abuse and assault but definitely negligent. And the excuses were just him being the usual whiny teenage boy so I just ignore them. As for the rude remarks, I didn’t mention but he gets told off for it every time but he just goes quiet and then comes out of his room hours later and the cycle repeats.
There’s definitely no more peanut butter in the house but I have taken the girls to a doctor and specialist and voiced my concerns but I was always told that they don’t really have an allergy.
MrsKnutson says:
8 years old they should be able to make a sandwich if they're hungry and he's not feeding them. An 8 year old can pour a bowl of cereal, an 8 year old can make a sandwich, an 8 year old can microwave a hot pocket.
Unless he literally stopped them from fixing something for themselves and locked them in the bedroom with nothing but peanut butter, they should have the skills to feed themselves at this age. Or at the very least be able to contact their parents if he was literally locking them in their room with nothing but a jar of peanut butter all night.
I'm concerned as to how this managed to play out like it did and OP has A LOT of questions they need to be asking.