Mom demands unequal baby visitation between grandparents. AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with her grandparents, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for wanting unequal baby visitation between grandparents?"
I want to start this by saying that I love my parents and my in-laws. They are all very nice people. I had to explain to my husband though that there is a difference between our parents when they come over. When my parents come over they help with the house.
My mom helps clean and cook, she brings food. My dad helps with projects. They even clean their room and their sheets before they leave They even help us financially. They have a long track record of being helpful. So I'm a little bit more comfortable having them over when the baby is little and everything is hard.
My in-laws are also lovely, but when they come over I have to be a host. They want to come over and visit and catch up with me and their son.
Normally I have no issue with that, but I'm going to be exhausted and tired and I'm not going to want to clean my whole house make everybody meals and prepare my kitchen and spend 5 hours every night chatting with everyone. I just am going to want to spend time with my baby and sleeping.
I also had to explain to my husband that there is a difference between having somebody there to help you change the baby, feed the baby, burp the baby, clean the house, make food and somebody that just wants to hold the baby when the baby is happy and cooing and then give it back to mom when they poop. I want to to spend the good moments with my baby too.
This will be both of my grandmother's first grandchild and we've been trying to get pregnant for several years. So there's a lot of anticipation. We will let my in-laws over but I'm going to have to explain to them that while they can come over, I will not be hosting at this time.
And because of who my father-in-law is as a person (loud, sits on the couch and drinks and yells at baseball games on TV, complains alot etc) I'm going to want them as a presence around less often. Am I the asshole for saying that I would be more comfortable having my parents over more often than his parents after our baby is born? AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
lindsheypolit writes:
NTA - your parents sound like help and your in-laws sound like work. But I’d encourage you to invite them over equally at the beginning anyway, with the clear statement that you will not be hosting...
if they would like to eat while there, they should bring or make food themselves, they should expect to share the couch with a load of unfolded laundry, etc…
If they ignore the “imperfections” and still want to come (even if they don’t actually help with chores), that’s good for the baby if you can handle it. If they complain or make snide comments, they’re uninviting themselves.
lowbalance86 writes:
YTA, because right now you are, as my Nana would say, "borrowing trouble". None of this has happened yet and you have no idea what they will be like once a child comes along. Maybe you are right and maybe you aren't. Let's say you are right.
Well, you will have to adjust their expectations by saying "I'd love to get you tea, but a person just came out of me and there's the kitchen. Tea bags are on the left shelf". And "FIL, the baby is sleeping and I'm turning down the volume of your tv show. Stop yelling".
holiscarm writes:
ESH. You because you are anticipating a problem before it exists. You don't have the baby yet. Them expecting you to host when they come over is normal. we are the type that come in and offer help, but often it is refused.
Do you not host friends when they come over? Why isn't your husband helping host when people come over? Most people's behavior changes when they visit new parents. Have you ever asked his parents for help? They could change once their is a baby present. Your husband should be the one speaking with his parents.