'AITA for locking my children out of my room and refusing to look after them?' UPDATED
"AITA for locking my children out of my room and refusing to look after them?"
I (27F) have three children (8M, 6M, 3F). My partner and I both work, but since my hours are more flexible I’ve picked up most of the childcare such as dropping the children off at school/childminder, picking them up, taking them park, doing homework etc as well as 50% housework so meals, ironing etc.
My partner will help, after a little nagging as well as usually taking the children out to the park at the weekend. Last week I didn’t feel good, but come Saturday and I felt awful dizzy, headaches, hot flashes etc and was just so tired so I asked my partner to care for the children that day.
My 3 year old is clingy, she gets upset whenever I leave the room as well as going through a phase where apparently the only word she knows is no, my partner was in and out asking for me to handle it.
My 6 year old has a habit of asking me to do something or where something is whilst not even considering asking their dad. Partner came in and asked if I’d help settle my youngest as she was requesting me, I refused and may have snapped that he’s her dad and to leave me alone.
I will admit my final fuse was when my 6 year old came in crying because apparently my 8 year old was “looking at him funny” so I told him to ask his dad and when he left I locked the door, my head was killing me especially around a crying child.
My husband woke me up very upset, apparently at nap time my youngest wouldn’t settle without me, my middle child was upset because he thought he’d upset me.
My partner was like “I know you’re sick, but just offering cuddles to the children would’ve been nice and I needed help, you know youngest gets upset without you and apparently you’re the only one who calms her down” it’s not that he’s not around that she’s unsettled, it’s just natural for children to pick one person and the doctors have said she’ll grow out of it.
My partner is upset, although even a week later I’m still feeling dizzy with hot flashes, he just wants an apology but I don’t feel like I need to. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
AlternativeShape858 says:
YTA. you are sure to say that you take care of most of the childcare and that you nag your partner routinely because they have a more structured work schedule than you do. The partner and your children needed you and you refused them.
You come off resentful for having a family that needs you. You sound dreadful and apparently you were even more so than usual if your partner is still upset.
EyeSmall698 OP says:
Yes, I have to nag and I shouldn’t have to. “because they have a more structured work schedule than you do” nope! I’m sorry I don’t understand the implication here? Are you implying I somehow work less…because I look after my children? My work day doesn’t end just because I’m not in the office, I just have the ability to pick my children up from school.
I am not bitter towards my husband, it’s a weird assumption that because I have to nag him to make our child a drink on the occasion that I’m bitter.
tractorchick says:
Nta....weaponized incompetence.
enigmasaurus- says:
Yes - youngest won't settle with dad because dad is completely absent from all parenting duties, like a deadbeat. Also, it's completely irresponsible to have a very sick parent in close proximity to the kids, cuddling them, if it's a totally unknown possibly contagious illness.
VSparks says:
I think a majority of the angry and self righteous NTA are not parents! My husband is an amazing hands on father but my toddler is going through a mommy phase. Poor husband can't do anything right for him.
I'm 6 weeks post-partum and it's been rough but you figure it out. I would never make my toddler suffer just to prove a point. You don't stop being a parent even when you're sick!
Perlitty says:
So what you’re saying is you have four children? 🤔
Update from OP:
After posting this I mostly conked out, I’m reading the comments but won’t respond as I’m busy…I do have a doctors appointment on Tuesday. Feeling worse today, can’t tell if it’s the stress! MIL has offered to help out with the childcare while I’m sick. Thankyou for the support, although, reading about everyone’s spouses is a little disheartening