Mom asks if she was wrong to make ex's kids walk home after showing up unannounced.

AITA for turning my kids stepbrother and stepsister away from my door?

I have two sons with my ex husband; Cade (14) and Cael (13). Their father and I divorced 10 years ago, and three years later he remarried. His wife came with a girl (12) and a boy (11) of her own.

Problems started that first Christmas when our boys didn't come to his house loaded with gifts for their stepsiblings (which would have been bought by me obviously). I was told I should have bought gifts for the younger children from their new brothers. That was the beginning of what became a shit show.

To make a long story short, my ex's stepkids get whatever they like pretty much. My ex and his wife do not feel my boys should have things that are kept at my house. They feel what the boys own should be shared with the younger stepsiblings and the stepsiblings want everything.

They are also the kids who still to this day will throw a tantrum if they do not get their way. My boys do not like them and hate their dad's house. There have been incidents where their stuff was broken by the stepsiblings in a tantrum. I might think some of it was exaggerated if I did not witness some incidents with my own eyes.

The worst being Cade's 11th birthday. I threw a party for him and his friends. It was a mom party. Ex was supposed to do his own celebration. He and his wife show up with with her kids and they invite themselves into the party.

The kids start poking at some of Cade's gifts and then when Cade wouldn't give them one, they smashed them against the table we were sitting at. I had to get a member of staff to force them to leave us alone. But that was all because the kids were told no to taking claim of one of my son's gifts.

I still share custody of the boys and the judge will not let them decide to spend less time with their dad. I bring this up because I know it will be asked.

Anyway, it was my parenting time with the boys last week. On the Saturday their stepsiblings came to the house saying they wanted time with 'their brothers'. I saw no sign of my ex or his wife.

I asked them how they got to my house. They said they walked. I told them they would need to walk home. They asked again to come in and I turned them away. Ex called me when they got home and yelled at me for turning the kids away. He said I let them go not knowing what would happen.

On one hand I normally wouldn't do it but seeing as they walked I figured they could walk back. Not to mention it has only added drama. I need to ask if my dislike of the kids led me to do something that makes me the asshole. AITA?

Questions, answers and comments:

Interesting_You_2315 says:

NTA. Your kids are old enough that the court should take into account what they want in regards to custody arrangements.

Charming-Lab9681 OP responded:

They are, and they have been for a while, but not every jurisdiction has the same rules on that. For us here they want kids to be 18 or going away for college to have that decision.

Right_Bee_9809 says:

As with all divorces, this one came with complications. Personally I can't imagine buying toys for my ex-husband's new wife's children. I mean, where does it end.

However, I also can't imagine having two little kids walk home alone. I may be miscalculating the distance in my mind but it just seems like risky behavior. I know the whole bunch of them have been driving you crazy but a sympathetic YTA.

Charming-Lab9681 OP responded:

It was about 10ish minutes depending on which way they went home.

Specific_Culture_591 says:

Next time the kids walk to your house don’t send them home… call the police. Let the police have words with their parents not knowing where they are.

kevwelch says:

NTA. Not your kids, not your problem. The moment you start accepting responsibility for them, they’ll be showing up more and more.