Mom of triplets leaves crying babies alone; father freaks out; calls her 'horrible mom.'

'AITA for leaving my babies inside by themselves?'

I (20) am a mother of triplets whom are only 2 months old. I never expected ever in my life that I'd be a mother to triplets so when I first became pregnant it was definitely the last thing in my mind.

I'm home with my babies all day long and had to even transfer my education to online.

Sometimes I just need some fresh air especially when I can't get them to stop crying and I find myself getting super frustrated to the point of tears, it's honestly soo hard and the dad isn't here to help as he's ether at work or at school.

My fiance's (24) parents rented us a main floor apartment so when I step outside I'm literally just sitting on the chair right beside the door plus I have a baby monitor step up in their room and it has a camera on it I can literally see them and hear them so if anything happened I'd be able to quickly get to them.

Being able to step outside for a few minutes to take a breather is really important to me because I start to have mini panic attacks when I can't get them to stop crying and I get really frustrated because I just feel super overwhelmed, Being able to go outside just gives me a chance to clam down.

My fiance came home to me sitting outside while the babies were crying and freaked out on me calling me a horrible mom and a bunch of other names that I'm not gonna list here. He thinks that I was being super neglectful and putting the babies in harm way and even told his parents and now everyone seem to be really against me.

I grow up in the system my fiance's family is the only family I have and ever known so it breaks my hurt that they are so upset with me but I really don't think I was doing anything wrong or putting my babies in harm's way but they seems to think otherwise.

So here I am wondering if I should apologize for my actions or if I am the A-hole in this situation.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

CrimsonKnight_004 writes:

NTA - What you’re doing is preventing shaken baby syndrome. When the caregiver is overwhelmed, you need to step away for a few minutes to collect yourself and breathe. Center yourself, calm down, do what you need to do.

You’d only be an AH if you left them alone for long stretches of time, but it sounds like you only do it for short periods and monitor them when you do so. Nothing wrong with that. What does your fiancé do to help with the babies?

TripletsMom0 OP responded

Not really as when he comes home he's really tired I do over 90% of the child care since they were born. He maybe will change a diaper once in while

RO489 writes:

I can’t believe you haven’t _____ him yet. Aren’t you tired too? You need to leave him with the babies and make him step up

TripletsMom0 OP responded:

I just thought it was normal, so I didn't get mad at him I just thought I was failing at the whole parenting thing. I was put in the system when I was 3 so I don't remember how family dynamics are supposed to be

I think I'd be pretty anxious to leave him alone with all the babies because I don't think he'd be able to handle it. Maybe I should get him to take parenting classes or something

WastingTimesOnReddit writes:

You're doing your best. It's hard :( it'll get easier as they get older. Maybe ask if the in-laws can help sometimes cause you can't catch a break. I think dad would maybe feel differently if he had to do all the childcare for a week without a break. Don't give up.

TripletsMom0 OP responded:

They can't help because they live 2 hours away sadly

Important-Lawyer-350 writes:

NTA. When I had my baby one of the things the nurses told me repetitively while in hospital and during the home visits is that if she is crying and I know she has been fed, she has a clean nappy on and she isn't sick and I am getting stressed out its ok to go outside for a few minutes to just recollect myself. Their exact words were 'a crying baby is an alive baby'.

moonfae12 writes:

As a mom who struggled with severe PPD and PPA, I cannot stress enough how important this information is. I’m currently pregnant with my second and I have a lot more support systems in place in preparation for another round of depression and anxiety, but all that aside, by far the most important piece of info here is taking a step away when you need it.

You are doing what every professional would ask you to do. If your fiancé doesn’t know that, he can step tf up and learn. Based on your responses, he’s severely lacking in taking care of his own children. Once he’s stepped up, you may need to take these safety breaks less often (or not, cause damn mama - being alone with 3 babies all day is HERO work, I can’t even imagine). NTA at allllll.