Mother puts autistic daughter on birth control to try 'help with her emotions.' AITA?
'AITAH for putting my profoundly autistic daughter on birth control?'
I (45 F) have a daughter (19 F) Layla who is profoundly autistic. She was diagnosed as a young child and due to the efforts of her speech and OT (and her own hard work) she has been able to gain a lot of independent daily living skills over the years.
As she started hitting the teenage years though we started facing an extreme struggle with her period. Due to her diagnosis she is estimated to have the developmental age of a 3 or 4 year old child.
This makes her monthly cycle extremely painful and confusing for her. She does not know or understand why she is bleeding or in pain. She suffers from bad cramping, which is difficult to treat as she has a hard time communicating when she is pain.
Aside from the pain, the hygienic side of her cycle is very difficult for both her and me. Due to the painful nature of her cycle, keeping things consistently clean is extremely hard as there is a negative association there and she does everything she can to avoid dealing with her period.
After trying different occupational therapists and plans, both me and her father, her occupational therapist and her pediatrician have decided the best thing for her is to be put on birth control so her cycles can be managed.
We safely have her skip the majority of her cycles during the year, and it has been a blessing for us. It has been 4 months, and not only has she been able to avoid the pain she goes through every month, but her general mood and demeanor has improved as well. Her therapist believes her irregular cycle was causing her a lot of anxiety.
The issue comes with my sister-in-law, Ashley. She was over at the house yesterday having lunch with us when she asked how Layla had been doing recently. I told her that she was doing very well and explained to her the changes we made in the last few months.
Ashley was horrified.
She started ranting about how I am taking away my daughters autonomy by putting her on birth control without her consent and that the long term affects could hurt her fertility.
Layla will never have children, and will never have an intimate relationship with others due to her developmental age. I tried explaining this to my SIL but she held firm. I honestly don’t know if she has a very good grasp on autism or developmental disorders at this point.
I ended up asking her to leave as she was getting louder and I didn’t want her to upset Layla. I let my husband know what had happened when he got home from work- Layla had already texted him trying to shame him for allowing Layla to be put on birth control.
She has now involved my MIL and has even reached out to my own mother over facebook, claiming my husband and I are taking away our daughters autonomy.
I really think that the birth control was the right choice for our daughter, but the constant barrage of insults is starting to make me question things. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Your SIL is an a**. There was actually a family that was in the news years back fighting in court to get their nonverbal & severely delayed daughter a hysterectomy. They won the case.
It was interesting to me since so many people didn’t even stop to consider the actual patient’s quality of life.
IF IT IMPROVES HER QUALITY OF LIFE THEN GOOD!
Piggybacking to point out that Layla cannot and will never be capable of legally consenting to anything and thus relies on her parents to make informed decisions for her. The entire medical team was on board, who cares what dad's terminally online sister has to say on the topic.
She's not an expert with access to this person's medical records, she's a relative who does not respect basic boundaries. She can ask about Layla and provide support, but it is not her place or her right to make any statements regarding the propriety or morality of Layla's medical care.
Inside thoughts must not be within her wheelhouse.
My special kid is much higher functioning than OP's, but we still have letters of conservatorship over medical and money matters. There's a reason, and everyone from the doctor to the educators to the public defender agree. This is a medical decision.
OP should take the lesson, though, and put SIL on an information diet. She is not safe with confidential information.
NTA. Your sister-in-law has no right to an opinion in the situation. You did not unilaterally make this decision, you did so based on recommendations of professionals.
I’m not sure where you’re located but “Period Underwear” has become quite common and may be helpful for your daughter during the times she has her period. I suggest you don’t discuss your daughters condition or treatment with your sister-in-law in the future.
As a father of an autistic child. Sincerely Fuck your SIL and anyone who agrees with her.
Sounds to me both SIL and MIL are in deep denial over Layla's limitations. If her periods are stressful for her, then anything to limit those stresses are important for her wellbeing.
The fact that SIL didnt want to hear the reasoning proves that she is ignorant and in denial. Ask them who she would be having children for, given that her symptoms mean that she wouldnt be able to raise a child herself.