Mom says son 'has a mouth on him'; she's told 'there's something really wrong with him.'
'AITA for getting annoyed my sister went through the drive thru but refused to order breakfast for my son?'
My son just turned 10. We have been out visiting the baby sister (37yo). We were in a hotel last night together, and are driving home today. My son has a mouth on him and talks back. I deal with it by telling him the consequence (like leaving if we are in public, losing electronics, early to bed, etc…).
My youngest sister does not have any kids but constantly likes to give parenting advice.
Last night as we were getting ready for bed in the hotel my son cursed at her and I told him that was unacceptable. My sister loses it and starts yelling at him which only escalates things. I am trying to calm my son down, and she starts ranting, “just do what you want, your mom isn’t going to do anything, go on.”
She then starts screaming at me that “there is something really wrong with him and when are you going to wake up!” (Side note: She thinks I should spank him or who knows what when he behaves like this). I just ignore it, and go calm my son down to get ready for bed because we have to be up early to leave by 6:30am (at her insistence).
This morning she wakes up and drags her feet. She ignores my son when he apologizes and then starts getting ready eventually. We finally get on the road for a 10+ hour drive home, and she pulls over at a Starbucks going through the drive thru.
I asked her to order me a latte and a sandwich for my son. She states, “I’m not getting him anything.” I said, “come on.” And she again states she is not “f**king getting him anything.”
I got pissed and said, “are you f**king kidding me? So you are going to make me go in? I bought all your Starbucks on this trip and I didn’t charge you.” She responded with, “you can add $25 to my tab instead of holding it over my head and holding on to things!”
I was pissed she was being a petulant child and carrying on from the night before. AITA for not seeing her side?
Edits: His consequence was being told it was unacceptable language and my sister is not taking my son to an action park that she had promised (totally acceptable). In addition, he wouldn’t stop arguing with my sister so I told him to go to bed or he would lose his toy I just bought him last night. He lost it.
From the comments:
Substantial-Air3395 writes:
Sounds like mom is in denial about behavioral issues.
WatercressLive writes:
Are you the asshole for ignoring problematic behavior from your 10 year old? Yes. YTA.
Tangyplacebo621 asks:
INFO: is your son neurodivergent at all? I also have a 10 year old son, but he is neurotypical, so comparison may not be appropriate.
Important-Baby3992 Op responds:
There is nothing he has tested positive on from what I have tested him for (ODD, ADHD, autism). He does get worse when someone yells, so I have found it’s best to address the issue while ignoring the problematic behavior and not engaging/escalating the situation.
Talking calmly and helping him to calm down works best.
franglaisedbeignet writes:
Kids that age can get overstimulated by TV, apps on the phone, video games etc. My son had a temper problem at around 8-9 years old and when I cut out all electronics and limited it to a very short period on the weekend for over a year, it helped tremendously. We cancelled our cable also.
I put him in therapy for his anger issues. Also kids definitely follow the lead of the adults around them, so if you are cursing, try very hard to quit. Consequences need to be immediate and make sense for the situation.
Important-Baby3992 OP responded:
Thanks, this is super helpful feedback!
FenderMartingale writes:
It's actually pretty normal for kids to talk back! depending on the circumstance, not something to encourage, but if a parent calmly handles it, it's not a problem.
At ten he's got a lot of opinions and not much experience to back it up, so it's not unreasonable for him to be half mouth. You help him learn how to be appropriate and mindful, you don't pathologize normal (if unacceptable) childhood behavior.
-InfiniteDifficulty writes:
YTA why are you giving him Starbucks instead of taking away that LUXURY as punishment. No one is saying don’t feed him. We’re saying instead of a hot and expensive breakfast he can have cereal and think about how if he had behaved he’d have gotten a luxury breakfast that he wanted.
Potential-Shallot144 writes:
NTA. There is something very wrong with your sister. Not you. Not your son. The real concern here is that you need to keep your sister away from your son. She seems to feel entitled to abuse him.
Sorting out your son swearing is a separate and secondary concern which should not be addressed as a reaction to your sister’s nonsense. It’s unlikely that your son has not experienced her nastiness and it is possible that he was genuinely hurt.
Important-Baby3992 OP responded:
My son was being a jerk too and he got worse when she started yelling at him. I’m not excusing his behavior.
Disastrous-Dot-2707 writes:
I'm withholding judgement. Some kids are more headstrong and more difficult to discipline than others. I'm going to suggest a couple of workbooks that teach coping mechanisms for anger and other emotions. I'm currently using them with my stepkids, one of whom has a hard time self regulating and tends to have angry outbursts.
Anger Management Skills Workbook for Kids: 40 Awesome Activities to Help Children Calm Down, Cope, and Regain Control by Amanda Robinson
The Self-Regulation Workbook for Kids: CBT Exercises and Coping Strategies to Help Children Handle Anxiety, Stress, and Other Strong Emotions by Jenna Berman
Important-Baby3992 Op responded:
Thank you so much!