Mom tells daughter to dress up modestly now that she's pregnant. AITA?
When this mom is upset with her pregnant daughter, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for telling my daughter to dress up more modestly now that she's pregnant?"
I'm Argentinian, not from US. My (f45) daughter (f19) is pregnant. She was in college but got pregnant and now she's living at home with me again.
She's nearing her fifth month now. So the problem we had is that her breasts are very obviously growing. She was a cup c (sometimes b) before, now her biggest bras are starting to feel too tight on her.
Well, I recommended her to buy some new bras and she got some d cup that somewhat fit her (some are a little bigger but we'd figure that was better so she wasn't as uncomfortable, plus her breasts will probably keep growing a little more)
Well, the thing is that she changed her bra size, but she's still wearing her same old shirts. Some of them are fine, but some of them show too much. Sometimes she wears tank tops or shirts that have all of her cleavage uncovered. And I mean, that's fine when we're home since it's only us, but she wears them out sometimes.
So I advised her to wear her more modest shirts and I told her we could buy some extra more "mommy style" shirts, not only because her normal shirts will get ruined if she continues to wear them (too stretched) but also because she's a grown up woman now and needs to dress more accordingly.
She told me off, said she'll dress up however she wants and to stop trying to tell her what to do all the time. I told her I was trying to help her mature because she'll need it soon, she can't dress up like she's going to a party everyday, especially not now that she's about to be a mother.
Well she told me to stop "b&tching", said it's hot and she wants to wear the clothes she likes, not dressing like an old lady. I asked her if she thought this was a game?
Because she doesn't seem to maturing at all, she told me that I'm always telling her what to do and she's sick of it, so I told her that if she's sick she could easily leave and be responsible for her actions.
Well, we're both angry now. I told her that I'm helping her out of the kindness of my heart, so she should listen to what I'm saying or leave. She went crying to her father and he called me telling me off too and saying I should let her be and dress up however she wants. Am I an asshole for this?
Let's see what readers thought.
plastic78 writes:
OP, I think you are angry that you wanted a better life for your daughter through a college education and she blew it at age 19 by getting pregnant and dropping out. Every time you see her sitting around looking sloppy, it hits your anger button.
You need to figure out how to let it go because getting angry hurts both of you and it does not resolve any problems. The bigger issue at stake are daughter’s plans for herself and the baby.
There are a lot of questions here…Keep the baby? Child support? Visitation rights? If she keeps the baby, does she become a “stay at home daughter”for the foreseeable future? Will she go to school - maybe online school?
Will she get a job to help support herself & baby and who babysits then? Suddenly a low cut top seems like the least of your concerns.
nneon writes:
Unpopular opinion but NTA. I think English is your second language and you hit a bunch of trigger words to make people think you are slut shaming your daughter when you just want her to look into getting clothes that fit properly.
It sounds like your daughter is refusing to acknowledge her changing body out of shame or in an attempt to de center the pregnancy from her mind. Many women do this and it’s not healthy.
I would approach your daughter when you are both less angry and try to empathize with her. Ask her about how she feels mentally. I’m sure she also has disappointment about her situation and doesn’t want to face those realities. If you can afford it perhaps look into therapy for her.
polkadots writes:
YTA. Just because you're a mom doesn't mean you have to dress like a stereotypical "Mommy." Your daughter is 19 years old, which is still very young, and yeah, she should have some clothes that fit her better longterm (maybe she's hoping the breast change and weight will be dropped after giving birth)..
but that doesn't mean she has to wear some full covered clothes that aren't her style just because she is pregnant and then a mom. Women with children can wear all kinds of things and still be excellent mothers.