Mom tells daughter 'don't project your body dysmorphia.' Daughter calls her a bad mom.
When this mom is feeling like her daughter needs to change her attitude, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for my daughter she needs to work through her insecurites and stop projecting them on me?'
I f36 has three kids (f17 and twins f5 and m5). This is about my oldest daughter. Before the lockdown, my daughter was very athletic, took care of herself, had amazing grades, and all-around cared about herself and her looks.
During lockdown that all changed, we all gained weight from just sitting around and doing nothing so I decided that this needed to change so in late 2021 I decided to make healthier (still delicious) meals for my family and encouraged my kids to be more active.
This was incredibly easy for my twins because they have so much energy. They would accompany me on my daily walks and they loved playing in our front or backyard.
By the middle of 2022, my husband, and the twins were back at our pre-lockdown weight and I even was smaller than before. Nothing about my daughter changed and it seemed she got bigger which affected her tremendously.
In my house, we still have a few unhealthy snacks cause I don't wanna deprive them. At the end of 2022, I stopped trying because she's 17, turning 18 this year but now she has been making really rude comments about me. When she sees me working out she will comment rude things about my form and how I looked in my workout clothes.
She also makes rude comments when I'm eating because I don't eat huge portions anymore. The rude comments have gotten me to the point that I am happy when she's with her dad so I can do my routine in peace.
Yesterday, it was my twin's birthday and I got myself a small piece of cake because the cake my kids chose wasn't my favorite, and my daughter told me 'No matter how little cake I eat, I'll always be big'.
I was shocked when she said this and I was upset and at my breaking point so I finally said 'You need to work through your insecurities and start taking care of yourself instead of projecting them on me'.
She ended up having a soured attitude all night and in the end called her dad to pick her up which resulted in me getting yelled at by him and called 'a bad mom'. So REDDIT AITA?
Let's see what internet users had to say.
artichoke333 writes:
ESH. You picked the wrong moment to snap. She has been being an AH to you, but that particular comment sounds like she was expressing hopelessness about her own situation. Society is really hard on women about our weight, and as a teenager who has just gained a lot of weight she is probably feeling a lot of frustration and shame about it.
She’s comparing herself to you and being mean about it, which is crappy… but, teenagers are crappy. Your job is to be the patient and mature one. Don’t accept her rude comments, but don’t lose your temper or say things that put her down. Consider speaking to a nutritionist or her doctor about evidence-based ways to support her health.
brisemartel writes:
NTA. You are right. At some point, she has to stop projecting on others.
deepestknight0 writes:
NTA. She feels bad about herself so she is trying to make others feel bad aboth themselves.Something else may be going on besides being overweight. Being overweight may be a symptom. You / her father should try talking to her and see if something has happened or if she is struggling mentally / emotionally.