Woman tells mom to stop packing daughter 'terrible smelling,' 'disgusting' lunches.
"AITA for telling one of my daughter's classmates moms to f^%$ off about what I put in my daughter's lunch?"
For some context before the story, I (38f) cook Asian foods regularly for dinner and for my daughter, Lily’s (7f) lunches at school. This is because my family enjoys these foods. I like to cook these foods, and my mom cooked a bunch of these foods growing up since she’s half Japanese.
Often times I’ll either give my daughter some leftovers from last night's dinner, plus a fruit/veggie and a snack, or I’ll make her a quick little bento box or some other thing really quick.
So, after school one day, my daughter wanted to play on the playground for a bit before we went home. I said she could play for a few minutes, and she ran off to play. I was waiting next to this other parent, who we’ll call Debra. While I was waiting, Debra came up to me.
Debra: Are you Lily’s mother?
Me: Oh, yeah, I am, why?
Debra: Well, your daughter’s lunches have been bothering my son, and I would like to ask you to pack something else.
Me: What? How are they bothering him?
She then proceeded to start talking about how her son was complaining about my daughter's lunches smelling terrible, and that he thought it was disgusting. She also said her son didn’t eat most of his lunch because he was so grossed out.
Me: Okay…I understand your son doesn’t like the smell, but can’t he just sit somewhere else?
Debra: Are you kidding me? My son shouldn’t have to put up with whatever c%$p you make your daughter bring to this school. It’s disgusting!
And she started making more vaguely [deleted] complaints, but I was fed up at this point.
Me: Listen, I understand your son might not like my daughter's food, but he can very easily just not sit next to her. I’m not changing what’s in my daughter's lunches because you and your kid don’t want to exist near Asian food. F&^$ off.
She angrily stomped off with her kid then, and my daughter finished playing soon after, so we went home. I talked to my husband about it, and he said that maybe I shouldn’t have told her to f&^@ off, to avoid her bothering us in the future. AITA?
Notes from OP:
That day in particular the lunch was leftover teriyaki chicken, some cooked broccoli, rice, and a few strawberries. In general I try to avoid giving her overly aromatic foods for lunches. I’m not sending potent, fishy dishes, or kimchi, or anything like that. I had a friend in high school who brought very potent lunches every day. I’m not going to do that to her peers.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
punnymama says:
NTA!! Unless her kid has an anaphylactic reaction to soy she and her r^#$sm can f&%^ right off. For that matter even if her kid DOES have an anaphylactic reaction to soy, her r$#@sm can still f@#% right off.
Pastel-Clouds-808 OP responded:
Yeah, if it were an allergies thing, I would have understood, but I don’t think the class has any allergies other then peanuts, which me and Lily are allergic to, and treenuts, which I don’t put in her lunch other than coconut sometimes.
aDildoAteMyBaby says:
Do not wait for escalation. You will regret it.
Pastel-Clouds-808 OP responded:
Yeah, after thinking about it more, I’m going to talk to her teacher about this. I’m gonna talk with Lily to so I can be sure this kid isn’t doing anything else.
MaddieEms says:
Please do some research and show the teacher some articles such as these: https://www.king5.com/article/news/community/facing-race/new-generations-of-asian-immigrants-address-the-lunchbox-moment/281-701d7e06-bdf2-435f-99a5-61d474937776
A fictional story for teachers to use to teach their students about r^#*sm when a student ostracizes another for their lunch: https://www.learningforjustice.org/magazine/fall-2020/min-jees-lunch
Resources for teachers: https://www.booksforlittles.com/orientalism-food-shaming/. There are plenty of Asian American studies which address these types of "covert r%$#sm" type issues
Pastel-Clouds-808 OP responded:
Thank you for the resources! I’ll put them to good use.
Fartin_Scorsese says:
@&*$ off was the nicest thing you could have said to her. NTA
yarnycarley says:
Definitely this, but I would also make a point of emailing the school or speaking to the teacher to request the boy not be put anywhere near her daughter because of his mother's request.
Suspiciouscupcake23 says:
Tattletale rules. Get there first and be the most reasonable. It's amazing how much this changes things.