'AITA for not celebrating my daughter's birthday on my other daughter's birthday?'
"AITA for not celebrating my daughter's birthday on my other daughter's birthday?"
My husband and I have 2 daughters (14) Jenny and (16) Emily. Their birthday's are 2 weeks apart. Jenny is extremely jealous of Emily. She will do anything to make sure Emily doesn't get any attention.
This year she decided that she wants to celebrate her birthday on the day of Emily's birthday. We tried explaining to her that it's wrong and asked her to choose another date but she didn't listen. We finally told her that either she chooses another date or there will be no birthday party for her.
Last weekend was Emily's birthday and we threw a big party for her. Everyone were enjoying themselves except for Jenny who was sulking in her room.
My BIL went to talk to Jenny and came back downstairs with Jenny following him. He angrily told us that he is taking Jenny out to celebrate her birthday and we can't stop him.
My husband and I were very angry but we didn't want to make a scene and ruin the party so we let them go. Later when they came back we confronted him and told him that he had no right to do this.
He got mad and started yelling at us asking us if it would kill us to prioritize Jenny once. Apparently 'we are always so busy with Emily'.
The thing is, Emily was battling cancer for a very long time (she is ok now) and she needed most of our attention and while I understand that Jenny felt like she wasn't a priority, I think she was being very selfish. AITA?
Let's see what internet users have to say.
Jenny's behavior in this specific situation was totally unreasonable but it sounds like there were several years of neglect leading up to it. Get therapy now for Jenny, and ask her therapist for a referral to a parenting/family therapist for you and your husband.
You have some serious repairing to do in your family and you don't seem to recognize how deep the problem runs. This isn't a child being suddenly, inexplicably "selfish", it's a really troubled family. YTA
coastalkid writes:
YTA. Look up the term glass child. Jenny is begging for her to feel like a priority and it sounds like you're dismissing her as being purely jealous.
Emily had cancer, that's a scary thing for parents and for a child. It can feel like it's the only thing that deserves attention and that Jenny should understand. And I'm willing to bet she does understand but she also is getting shoved aside.
If your BIL and others around you can see that Jenny is being neglected, even if it felt correct at the time, you need to take a step back. Cancer can fracture a family and this needs to be your wake up call that now that the cancer is over, its time to heal the emotional damage it did.
okorganization writes:
NTA, jenny was being an asshole by scheduling her birthday over another persons, then she probably twisted the story to make you guys look bad, she is an asshole.
krunks writes:
YTA not for anything here. but for only focusing your attention on Emily, and not getting Jenny in therapy (I assume you would have mentionned it if you did) Obviously emily had all the attention on her, Jenny feels neglected and acts out like teens do. You need to get her in therapy. Yesterday.